Onion Tears
by Ukyou Kuonji
Summary: The Ucchan discovers the Bayankala onion, and its mysterious properties
1. (1) Introduction

This story came to me while chopping up a particularly pungent onion   
for a pork okonomi-yaki. I never believed that old wives' tale about   
onions making one cry, but I'm starting to change that. Especially   
when I have something to cry about...  
  
Ranma 1/2 is the property of Rumiko Takahashi, et cetera, and is used   
without permission.  
  
Special thanks also go to Laura Esquival  
  
  
ONION TEARS  
  
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction   
by Ukyou Kuonji  
  
Part I. Introduction  
  
  
Four o'clock in the morning is a rather unusual time to be receiving   
produce deliveries; as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure Ukyou-sama   
was still asleep upstairs in her apartment. But when Park-san arrives,   
somebody has to answer the door. So I crawled off my futon in the   
corner of the kitchen, slipped on a yukata, and answered the door.  
  
"Ohayo gozaimasu, Konatsu-chan." Park Roe-Chi was a Korean immigrant   
who'd been living in Tokyo for over fifty years by now, I imagine.   
He was known as the finest produce supplier in Nerima and in several   
surrounding wards. And such a friendly and cheery fellow, too --   
his greeting was as good as a cup of hot coffee for a pick-me-up.   
I always looked forward to chatting with him.  
  
"Ohaya gozaimasu, Paruku-san. I notice your Japanese is improving."   
  
He grinned. We kid each other a lot about our various foibles; he   
about my lesbian tendencies toward Ukyou-sama, I about his accent.   
It's all done in fun.  
  
"Thank you, Konatsu-chan. Is your girlfriend in?" My turn to grin   
now.  
  
"Yes and no, sir. She's upstairs, but she's probably still asleep.   
Speaking of which, if I may say so, you're rather early this morning   
with your delivery, aren't you?"  
  
"Well, I have a special delivery for her, and, to be frank, I wanted   
it off the truck before it contaminated any of the other produce."  
  
"Contaminated?" Horrible visions ran through my head. It occurred   
to me that it was a little late for Ukyou-sama to try using Shampoo's   
techniques; besides, they never worked for *her*, after all. Then I   
considered that she was going to kill herself through food poisoning...  
  
Park-san waved his hands in front of him. The things I was thinking   
must have been written all over my face. "No-no-no. Nothing like   
that, Konatsu-chan. I have a shipment of onions for her, and let me   
tell you, they're strong! Their scent is going to flavor all my other   
vegetables if I'm not careful. But I'm definitely going to save a   
box for the missus to use in her kimchee recipe."  
  
"Onions? What's so special about these onions?"  
  
"Not just any onions, Konatsu-chan. Bayankala Onions. Strongest   
onion known to man, so I'd been told. And at this point, I believe   
it."  
  
Bayankala... where had I heard of that name before? "Really? Wait a   
minute.. 'so you'd been told'?"  
  
Park-san nodded somewhat sheepishly. "Yes. Unfortunately, I haven't   
had the opportunity to try them yet. But I only heard about these   
onions a month or so ago, myself. These things are supposedly grown   
only in a certain mountain range in China, and somehow this gives   
them an incredible amount of strength. Well, when I heard about   
these, I immediately thought of Kuonji-san. After all, she's never   
been one to pass up an opportunity to experiment with new ingredients.   
So I called her up and told her about them -- even offered her an   
exclusive on them, actually -- and she ordered two boxes of them,   
sight unseen. They just came in this morning."  
  
Ah! Now I remembered! The Bayankala Mountain Range was where   
Jusenkyo was located. And... the Joketsuzoku village. "Uh... what   
about Shampoo and Cologne? You said you gave Ukyou-sama an   
exclusive?"  
  
"The Neko-Hanten? Feh. Toughest customers I've got in Nerima. That   
old widow-maker's always trying to talk the price down on me. I'm   
running a business here, lady, not a bazaar! And then she has the   
gall to pay as much as a month late! I tell ya...  
  
"And the kid's cute and all, but she's just... well, I don't know   
about you, but I don't think she's playing a full set of tiles, if   
you get my meaning. Now, you guys always pay on time, you're always   
friendly and smiling; I'm serious, you're among my best customers.   
Sure, some places order more stuff, but I like stopping at the Ucchan   
more than any other customers I've got. And anyway, those two Amazons   
*come* from there -- if they really wanted those onions, they'd know   
enough to have asked by now. So I'm not gonna tell 'em about it."  
  
I smiled. 'Well, I'm sure Ukyou-sama will be pleased to know how   
highly you think of her." and how little you think of Shampoo,   
I added mentally.  
  
Park-san's grin faded somewhat. "By the way, how is Kuonji-san?   
I understand the wedding's coming up again, right?"  
  
"Ranma and Akane? Yes, sir. Tomorrow, in fact."  
  
"Oh, man, that's rough. How's she taking it?"  
  
"It's hard for me to say, sir. She's loved Ranma from long before   
I ever knew her, so in some ways, things really haven't changed since   
then. It's got to be wearing on her, and it hurts me to watch it,   
but she's also pretty good at keeping herself in check. The more she   
gets into her work, the more she's trying to repress, I think. And   
she's been working awfully hard these last few weeks."  
  
The old man sighed and shook his head. "Life is just not fair   
sometimes. I don't know what else to tell ya."  
  
"Neither do I, sir." We stood there for a moment, staring at our   
feet. Then Park-san clapped his hands together.  
  
"Well... I guess I'd better get the goods, huh? That's what I'm here   
for, right?" He wore an I-might-as-well-get-back-to-work type of   
smile, and I followed him back to the back of his truck. I slowed   
down as I approached the double doors; the aroma was indeed quite   
powerful. I could only nod as Park-san turned around and asked   
"Smell that? That's the Bayankala Onion. Strong, huh?  
  
"Here, lemme hand you the other stuff first, if you'd rather." He   
jumped into the back of the truck. Boxes of cabbage, mushrooms,   
carrots and daikon flew out into my waiting arms. Well, actually...   
I had to rush around to catch them.  
  
"Can't you be a little more careful with these? They're perishable,   
aren't they?" Park-san's head poked out from the truck, grinning   
mischievously.  
  
"Hey, it's good training, isn't it? You're a kunoichi, you can handle   
it." He had me there.   
  
As I walked back to the restaurant loaded down with comestibles,   
Ukyou-sama appeared at the door. Her face looked haggard; she   
hadn't gotten much sleep last night, I could tell. Her eyes were   
red, too; I knew what she'd been doing instead of sleeping.   
  
"Konatsu, what's all the racket? Oh, Park-san!" At the sight of   
his truck, Ukyou-sama's eyes lit up. I stood in the threshold of   
the restaurant while she ran to the back of the truck. "Are my   
onions in yet?"  
  
"Yes, they are," Park-san grunted as he hoisted a couple of boxes   
down to her. She bore them in her arms as if they were light as   
a feather.  
  
"Wonderful. Hang on a moment while Konatsu and I put these things   
in the kitchen, okay?" Park-san nodded, and she darted ahead of me   
into the restaurant.  
  
When I walked into the kitshen with my boxes, she had already set   
hers down outside of the walk-in cooler and was about to return to   
Park-san's truck outside. "Mistress... aren't you going to put them   
away?"  
  
  
Her face was like that of a child on Christmas. "I don't think so.   
I've gotta take a good look at these as soon as Park-san leaves.   
This is so exciting..." And out the kitchen door she went. I   
shrugged to myself as I opened the cooler door with my foot and   
set the other vegetables down inside. Well, she's happy, I guess...  
  
By the time I got outside, Ukyou-sama was discussing the arrangements   
with Park-san. "So it's okay if I advertise my exclusive on these   
onions, right?" Park-san's expression was one of benign wonder.  
  
"What's the purpose of an exclusive if not as a promotional gimmick?   
Sure, advertise all you want. If it goes over well, I expect I'll be   
getting orders from other places, though..."  
  
"Fine. As long as I've scooped the competition. This should give   
me one more leg up on the others."  
  
"I regret to admit I have not tasted your wares before; I have heard   
tell that they are the finest of their kind."  
  
Ukyou-sama beamed, albeit tempered by an of-course-they-are smile.   
"Well, anytime you wanna drop in, Park-san, the okonomi-yaki's on   
the house, ya know."  
  
Park-san bowed. "I am honored, Kuonji-san."  
  
Ukyou-sama's smile turned rather pained. "Please, don't call me that.   
If I'd wanted to be known by my last name, I'd've called the place   
'Kuonji's,' now, wouldn't I? How much do I owe ya?" She reached   
for a pouch on her bandolier.  
  
Park-san turned to me with a wink and a 'What did I tell you? Best   
customer I've got' look on his face. "Seventy thousand yen. That   
includes the special boxes of onions, so it's a little more than   
usual." Ukyou-sama merely nodded at that, and counted out seven   
10,000-yen notes into his hand. "Domo arigato gozaimasu, Kuon-"  
  
Ukyou-sama held up a finger. "Ah-ah-ah. 'Ukyou-san,' if you must."  
  
I had to throw in my two yen, too. "And it's 'gozaimashite.'   
Past tense."  
  
"Konatsu!" Ukyou-sama glowered at me. I did my best to look   
abashed.  
  
"Gomen, Ukyou-sama."  
  
Park-san placed a hand on each of our shoulders. "It's okay, Ku...   
I mean, Ukyou-san. We kid around a lot. Besides, I still need   
the practice, eh?"  
  
"Well, if you don't mind..."  
  
"Nah. It's between friends, isn't it, girlie?" I nodded, smiling   
sheepishly. He clapped me once again on the shoulder. "Well, on   
with the rest of my rounds. So much t'do, so little time, huh?"  
  
Ukyou-sama nodded as he climbed into his truck and drove off. I   
couldn't help staring at her as she waved goodbye while he drove   
off. It was one of the first times in the last several weeks that   
I had seen her smile. When the truck was out of sight, she rubbed   
her hands together. "Well, let's go see what he brought us, eh?"  
  
I followed her back inside while she continued: "First thing, I want   
you to post a sign in the window; 'SPECIAL FEATURE, An Ucchan   
Exclusive: Our okonomi-yaki are made using Bayankala Onions.' Got   
that?" I nodded. By now, we were in the kitchen, and Ukyou-sama   
opened the top box. She picked out an onion and inspected it   
thoroughly: holding it up to the light to examine its color and   
translucence, rubbing it to get a feel for its shape and texture,   
and finally, bringing it up to her nose and inhaling its mighty   
fragrance. That last hardly seemed necessary; from the threshold   
of the kitchen, I was assaulted by the pungent aroma. I could feel   
the juices stinging my eyes, but refused to let Ukyou-sama see this   
weakness. Then I looked at her face once again, beatific with joy   
over this new and exotic ingredient, and yet...  
  
"Ukyou-sama... are you going to be all right? You're crying." Now   
she looked up from the onion to return my unsteady gaze. To call it   
crying was dramatically understating the case. Tears were pouring   
from her eyes in nearly-inhuman quantities. Her mouth still smiled,   
but her eyes were infinite sadness personified.  
  
She took a deep breath and collected herself. "I'll... be fine,   
Konatsu. It's... it's just onion tears, that's all. Yeah..." Any   
other day, I would be prepared to believe that. Even from the   
distance I stood at, my eyes smarted such that I could barely keep   
them open to look upon my mistress' face. But there was more to   
those tears than just onion juice; I was sure of that. But what   
could I say...?  
  
"Yes, Ukyou-sama. I'll go make that sign, then."  
  
I dug out a large roll of rice paper, a brush and some ink and   
proceeded to paint a sign as Ukyou-sama had specified. Once the   
ink had dried, I took it outside along with the entrance curtain (it   
was getting on toward six a.m., when we should be opening our   
doors), and hung them both up. No sooner had they been set in place   
when I heard Hasegawa-san's voice.  
  
"Bayankala onions, eh? How spicy are they, Konatsu-chan?" Hasegawa   
Seiumon was chairman and chief executive officer of Mitsui-Makino   
Limited, a large multinational conglomerate based in Tokyo. He was,   
as they say, a captain of industry. He was also a regular customer   
of ours; always showed up just as we would be opening for business   
-- evidently so he could then catch the early train downtown.   
Additionally, he considered himself a bit of a samurai type -- very   
macho, unflappable, stiff-upper-lip type. And to prove himself to   
us, he would always order the spiciest items on our menu, load it   
up with plenty of wasabi mustard, and then attempt to eat it without   
drinking anything until he was done with his meal. It was a comical   
sight to watch, as sweat would often be pouring off of his beet-red,   
bald head, while he tried desperately to maintain an air of being   
completely under control. The old proverb is true: in shallow water,  
the dragon provides amusement for the shrimp. It was all we could   
do not to laugh as this powerful businessman was rendered so weak   
by a plateful of pepper-pork okonomi-yaki. But he was a good customer,  
so we did our best to pretend he was the samurai he thought he was,   
and refrain from laughing until he had paid his bill and left.  
  
"Ah, Hasegawa-san. Irrashaimase." I getured for him to enter the   
shop, and I followed him in. "I couldn't say, sir. We just got   
our first shipment of them this morning. I will say that they have   
a powerful aroma..." and I pushed the door to the kitchen area open.   
Hasegawa raised his face toward the kitchen, took a deep sniff and  
nodded approvingly.  
  
"Promising, indeed, I must say."  
  
"Yes sir. We're incorporating them into our regular batter to see   
how the customers like it. If it's too much, I think we might cut   
back -- personally, I think one of these things would season as much   
batter as five regular onions would --"  
  
"No-no-no. I don't want it diluted... you know that." I did, and   
bit my cheeks to keep from smiling too hard. "The usual, sweetie-  
pie. And plenty of wasabi on the side, if you don't mind." He   
always flirted with me, too.  
  
I nodded. "Yes sir. Let me see if Ukyou-sama's got the batter   
ready..." I turned on the grill, and headed for the kitchen, eyes   
squeezed shut, bracing myself for the acrid sting of the onion   
juice.  
  
Once inside, I took a few breaths, each one deeper than the last, to   
acclimatize myself to the scent. Then I slowly opened my eyes.  
"Ukyou-sama... Hasegawa-san is here for his usu-"  
  
If Ukyou-sama had looked haggard at four-thirty this morning, she   
was looking infinitely worse now. Her clothes were disheveled and   
damp (especially her sleeves), her hair dangled limply around her,   
and her face was streaked from the eyes down. It was plain that she   
had been crying for the entire time she had been in the kitchen. It   
couldn't possibly have just been those onions.   
  
"Ukyou-sama... are you *sure* you're all right? Please... forgive   
me for saying this, but you look terrible."  
  
A wan smile crossed her face. "No, Konatsu, maybe I'm not all   
right. But I've gotta carry on for now. You deal with the customers,   
and I'll mix the batter, okay?" It was the first time I'd heard her   
admit that things were not as hunky-dory as she always tried to   
make me believe.  
  
"Okay, Ukyou-sama. But if you like... it's Hasegawa-san. Maybe   
you could use a smile...?"  
  
She snorted. "All right. I guess I could use a break from this..."   
She handed me a large stainless steel mixing bowl with plain okonomi-  
yaki batter. I say 'plain' -- this was the stuff with the Bayankala   
onions, as well as the usual vegetables and seasonings, so it was   
really anything but. "Let's go."  
  
Hasegawa-san smiled as the two of us took our places behind the   
grill, but did a double-take at Ukyou-sama's appearance. "Ukyou-  
san... I take it you're not feeling well today."  
  
"Well, I'm not exactly sick, if that's what you mean..."  
  
"Oh, that's right. I'd forgotten." Ranma and Akane's wedding was   
pretty big news in Nerima, after all, considering the couple's   
notoriety. Fortunately, Hasegawa-san had the good graces not to   
mention names. "Perhaps you should take some time off... take a   
vacation or some such. I have faith in Konatsu-chan's skills..."   
and he tossed me a sly wink. I blushed as best I could.  
  
"You're too kind, Hasegawa-san."  
  
"And I couldn't do that, sir. Not when I'm experimenting with such   
an exciting new ingredient like this..."  
  
"Yes, Konatsu-chan's told me all about it, and I can't wait to be   
the first one to try it."  
  
"Well, there's no sense in keeping you waiting, now, is there?   
You've got companies to acquire, dontcha? What'll it be, then?   
The usual?"  
  
"But of course."  
  
"Pepper-pork okonomi-yaki. All right, Konatsu... let's see what you   
can do with this." Despite her demurral to Hasegawa-san, she was   
going to turn over the responsibility of cooking this one to me! It   
was enough to make me quite nervous, but I had seen her do it   
enough times that I figured I could manage. I took a ladle from the   
rack, and poured out one large measure of batter onto the now-hot   
grill. I knew where both the pork and the pepper mixture were kept,   
and I brought them out. A handful of each sprinkled onto the   
congealing batter, and then to flip the creation. I saw Ukyou-sama   
nod out of the corner of my eye; so far, so good. A moment later,  
I turned it again; brown on both sides... finished. I brought out a   
plate, and set the okonomi-yaki upon it. I spooned out some wasabi   
into a small bowl, and set both bowl and plate before Hasgawa-san.  
He smiled.  
  
"Well done, Konatsu-chan. Ukyou-san, I can see you've trained this   
girl well. She'll be a credit to the Ucchan's reputation yet." He   
smeared the wasabi all over his okonomi-yaki. We looked at each   
other and grinned, both at his use of the feminine pronoun in   
referring to me -- he really had no idea! -- and the scene we knew   
we were about to witness, a scene that we had seen every business   
day for several years now, and yet it never failed to amuse us.  
  
Sure enough, after the first few bites, his bald head turned a very   
interesting shade of carmine red, and began shining like a well-  
polished apple with sweat, as he began his morning battle with the   
peppers and the onions. It occurred to me that perhaps this was a   
deliberate thing on his part, not only for pride's sake, but for   
intimidation purposes -- I pictured an underling or a rival coming   
into his magnificent office for whatever reason and being felled   
by breath that could probably kill a cow at ten meters.  
  
"It's... it's magnificent! Ukyou-san..." Hasegawa-san gasped,   
"you've outdone yourself!" He was starting to get short of breath.   
I figured I'd better get a pitcher of water together -- he was about   
to really need it.  
  
By the time I got back to him with the pitcher, he had downed the   
entire okonomi-yaki. It was always tempting to ask if he wanted   
a second one, but that would be tantamount to baiting him, so I   
refrained once again. I handed him the pitcher, and with tears   
cascading down his face, he took it and chugged it down.  
  
By the time he set the empty pitcher down, his head had assumed its   
normal healthy color, although he was still bathed in sweat. His   
eyes, on the other hand, were still flowing. "Ukyou-san... I don't  
know what you've done with this dish, but I surrender. For once.   
This packed more power than I could handle. Well done, girls."   
He stood up, still crying, paid his bill and left. Both of us   
watched his departure in amazement.  
  
"Wow. For him to admit defeat like that..."  
  
Other customers started to filter in. As they did, Ukyou-sama   
managed to get a good look at herself in a mirror and agreed that   
she was in no condition to deal with the general public; so she   
returned to the kitchen to continue working on mixing batter, while   
leaving me to attend to the waitressing and the actual cooking.  
  
I took orders from a cluster of salaryman regulars that had taken   
their customary booth near the door. A couple of early-bird   
students dashed in, and I made up a few orders to go for them.   
While I prepared the okonomi-yakis, I chatted with some other   
regulars who'd positioned themselves by the grill to watch the usual   
show. I did my best not to disappoint, but I'm sure I fell short in   
comparison to my mistress.  
  
A few even asked: "So, Konatsu-chan... where is Ukyou-san today?"  
  
"She's working in the kitchen," I had to tread lightly. "She had a   
rough night last night and all, so she decided to stay hidden for   
today." Some nodded sagely; again, Ukyou-sama's feelings for her  
'Ran-chan' were no secret among the regulars, and they might imagine   
how she was feeling these days under the circumstances.  
  
On the other hand, some had no clue: "Well, I hope it's nothing   
serious or contagious."  
  
I could only smile sadly at the remark. Would that it was only   
that simple! And as far as contagious, well... every girl seemed to   
fall in love with Ranma-san at some point in time or another.  
  
"It's not likely to contaminate the food, if that's what you're   
wondering about.." I said as I tossed three okonomi-yaki in rapid   
succession. Plate, plate, plate... flip, flip, flip. "Here you go.   
That'll be sixteen hundred yen for the three of you."  
  
As I rang up the sale at the counter, one of the salarymen from   
the table by the door came up to me. "Excuse me miss, but do you   
have a phone here that we could use?" I indicated the pay phones in   
the back corner, and he nodded his thanks and began to walk toward   
it. Then he paused: "Oh, and can you bring six sakes to our table?"  
  
"Sure thing. Hot or chilled?"  
  
The man laughed weakly at that, and it dawned on me that he too   
had been crying. "Chilled, of course. It's the middle of June, for   
Kami's sake!" and he turned once again toward the telephones. Was   
he in pain or something? Maybe he was going to call in sick. Such   
a pity, too, on a beautiful day like this...  
  
I was wiping down the grill, preparing for the next order, when I   
noticed one of the customers at the counter was sniffling over her   
okonomi-yaki. I leaned over to her. "Is something wrong, Miyami-  
chan? I know I'm not as good a cook as Ukyou-sama, but..."  
  
She looked up at me, face grooved with tear stains. "No, it's not   
you, Konatsu-kun. The food is wonderful, as always. Better than   
usual, in fact. It's just... I don't know... I..." and she broke   
down again.  
  
As much as I wanted to comfort her, I had other customers to attend   
to. I opened the refrigerator and pulled three small sake bottles   
out with each hand. I carried them over to the table with the five   
salarymen, all of whom were bawling like babies. I did my best to   
appear cheerful as I set the bottles down in front of each of them.   
"Here you are, gentlemen. Ozeki Sakes all around, as requested.   
Can I get you anything else?"  
  
Just then, their companion returned from the telephone. "All right.   
I've called the boss and told him we're going to be late in to work   
today." He looked around at his fellows. "Come on, men! Let's   
drink up! To Tanaka-san, and better luck next time!" He swept up   
his bottle and raised it in salute before opening it and downing the   
contents at a single draught. The other disconsolate men watched   
as he did so, and followed suit.  
  
"To Tanaka-san." all but one of them chorused. I assumed that the   
silent one was Mr. Tanaka.  
  
I pulled up an empty chair, and straddled it as I set down amongst   
them. "Would I be too inquisitive if I were to ask what happened   
to you, Tanaka-san?"  
  
He did not answer, but merely lowered his gaze as a larger companion   
explained. "Poor guy. Wife left him last night. Got home from   
work, and she was gone. No note, no nothing. All her stuff had   
been cleared out, though."  
  
"Oh... I'm so sorry, Tanaka-san." He looked up at me as I offered   
my condolences. Even through his tears, he looked more embarrassed   
than sad.  
  
"You know, I don't know why I even said anything to you fellows.   
I mean, I was going to just head to work and bury myself in that   
-- that's what got me to this point, after all -- but something   
came over me while I was sitting here eating... I just realized...   
the pain of losing someone you loved. I just had to get it off   
my chest."  
  
"And it's good for the soul to come clean now and again," his burly   
friend interrupted, clapping him on the back. Then, turning to me:   
"Miss... another round of sakes, if you would be so kind."  
  
"Okay," I said as I stood up and replaced the chair at its original   
table, "but I wanna know who's paying. I'm not going to have you   
fellows boozing it up and getting too drunk to find your wallets,   
understood? Ukyou-sama would definitely want me to collect payment   
in advance."  
  
The gentlemen who'd gone to place the phone call to their employer   
slapped a ten thousand yen note onto the table. "That should take   
care of breakfast and the first round of drinks." I nodded in assent.  
  
The burly man followed suit: "And this'll cover the next round.   
Keep the change, honey." I bowed in thanks, and headed over to the   
fridge. As I made my way from their table to the service counter,   
I realized that all our customers were weeping to one extent or   
another. This was really strange. Was everyone feeling sorry   
for Tanaka-san? Could everyone have possibly even *heard* his   
story?  
  
I got a chance to find out. A high-pitched squeal nearly caused me   
to drop the sake bottles I was conveying to the shirking salarymen,   
and then *she* came bouncing in. Inane and energetic as ever,   
Shiratori Azusa had mellowed only slightly over the past couple   
of years. Nowadays, she would at least *pay* for what she would   
take -- money, apparently, wasn't considered 'cute' in her book.   
I quickly set the bottles down with the businessmen and hurried back   
to my place behind the counter; no sense in getting her interest   
piqued in the sake, after all. A drunken Azusa... oy, as if she   
wasn't scary enough as it was.  
  
Naturally, she was oblivious to the mournful crowd surrounding her.   
"Good morning, Konatsu-sama! Azusa thinks this is a beautiful day,   
don't you?"  
  
I shrugged noncommittally, "I think I've had better. What'll it be,   
Azusa-chan?" Konatsu-SAMA?  
  
She wasn't ready to answer my question. "Azusa hears you have a   
special today..."  
  
"Yep. Bayankala Onions. Just got 'em this morning. Ukyou-sama's   
very enthusiastic about them."  
  
"May Azusa see one?"  
  
"Well... they're in the batter. Minced, to be sure, but they're   
there..."  
  
"No, Azusa wants to see a whole one. Can you get one for Asuza,   
pleeeease, Konatsu-sama?"  
  
"Okay, okay... sheesh." I headed for the kitchen, but not before   
tossing "And don't call me that!" over my shoulder.  
  
Ukyou-sama was sitting on the floor next to the top box of onions.   
She looked kind of dazed. "Ukyou-sama?" She turned her head up   
to face me; the tracks worn from her eyes had dried and crusted   
over with salt.  
  
"I've run out of tears, Konatsu. I didn't know that was possible."   
Her voice was cracked and strangled.  
  
I picked her up by her arms and hoisted her over my shoulder.   
"Ukyou-sama... I think you've done enough to yourself already today.   
Maybe you ought to call it quits for now..." I carried her out of   
the kitchen and up the stairs to her apartment. I'd never been up   
here before. And all at once, I realized this might not be such a   
brilliant idea.  
  
No, not because people would talk, seeing me haul her up here.   
People already talk; that's nothing new.  
  
It was... her bedroom. She'd turned it into a virtual shrine to her   
beloved 'Ran-chan.' Photos, posters, all manner of pictures of...   
him. And her, for that matter. Kami-sama... how the hell was she   
expecting to sleep peacefully with that face staring down at her...   
the face of a man she couldn't have? And who she *knew* she   
couldn't have?  
  
I carried her back downstairs and set her in a chair in the corner   
of the kitchen. "You try and get some rest, Ukyou-sama. I'm going   
to put these away for now..." And I carried the onions into the   
walk-in cooler; I slipped one out as I set the boxes down.  
  
"Here you go, Azusa... one whole Bayankala onion."  
  
"Ooooh! Marie! Marie! It's soooo..." she got a whiff of it. She   
blinked: once, twice, three times. Then her face screwed up. "So   
smelly!" She dropped it onto the counter.  
  
I couldn't help but smile. "Guess I shoulda warned you. They're   
supposed to be *really* strong. Would you like an okonomi-yaki   
now?"  
  
Her head bobbed up and down. "Okay, Azusa ready now! Could you   
please give Azusa a beef okonomi-yaki, Konatsu-sama?"  
  
I winced. "Please don't call me that..." I poured the batter onto   
the grill.  
  
"But Konatsu is so cute! Azusa wants to take him home and..."   
I set my utensils down for a moment, reached over and grasped   
Azusa's hands.  
  
"Azusa-chan... that's very sweet of you to say so. But I belong   
here... at the Ucchan, with Ukyou-sama. She needs me, now more   
than ever. And I'm going to stay here for her, okay?"  
  
Azusa looked up at me with eyes that could melt butter. But I   
wasn't about to let her melt me this time. "Do you understand?"  
I repeated. We stared into each others for a while; I was waiting   
for some kind of response... I don't have a clue what she was   
waiting for. Until...  
  
She blinked. "AIEEE!! Konatsu is burning Azusa's okonomi-yaki!"  
  
Oh, shit. And I hadn't even added the ingredients yet. I scraped   
the half-burnt creation off of the grill and flipped it into the   
nearby trash can.  
  
"It's okay, Azusa-chan. We can start over..." as I poured a second   
measure of batter.   
  
Her eyes widened, and I realized I'd phrased that last sentence all   
wrong. "Konatsu will come back to Azusa?"  
  
"No, I'm not coming back to you... I never was yours to begin with.   
I told you, I belong here." I sprinkled beef strips and mushroom   
pieces onto the sizzling batter, and turned it over. "Here... take   
Elise here, and enjoy her." I set the finished product on a plate   
in front of her. She ate in slightly sullen silence. "Look, Azusa-  
chan, there are other guys out there. What about Mikado-kun, anyway?   
You two were quite a couple once, ne?"  
  
"Mikado-chan..." She finished a bite, and looked up at me again.   
It was happening again. Her eyes were starting to moisten, and one   
by one they began to overflow. She took a few coins out of her   
purse, and nearly threw then at me.  
  
"MIKKI-CHAN!!" She stood up and charged out of the restaurant,   
eyes streaming. I could only stare after her as the curtains   
shivered from her flight. I was jarred from my reverie by the   
salarymen.  
  
"Miss? Anotherrr rrround, please, woodja?" A reedy man with thick   
glasses was waving a ten thousand yen note at me. Evidently, this   
was his round to buy. And they were still crying...  
  
"Coming!" Something was really strange here. Even the perpetually   
upbeat Azusa reduced to tears like that... this just wasn't normal.   
Of course, I had to admit that I had a bit to do with that, but what   
kind of reaction was that? She hadn't taken it that hard when   
they'd broken up -- heck, it was her idea to do so. But now, just   
the mention of her old partner's name was all it took to set her off...  
  
Wait a minute... she'd left behind a few bites of okonomi-yaki.   
Could this be the problem? I took a fresh pair of chopsticks to   
her plate and stuck a morsel into my mouth.  
  
Two waves washed over me as I chewed my bite. The first was   
amazement at how good it tasted. Ukyou-sama had chosen wisely:   
this onion had given the batter a flavor stronger than anything I   
had ever eaten. It was a spicy little slice of heaven on earth.  
  
Then, a wave of emotion crashed over me that felt like hell on   
earth. I could feel the stinging growing behind my eyes, as if the   
onion juices were assaulting me from within. And as the tears   
flowed, I wept for Ukyou-sama. How she would never know Ranma's   
love... and how I would never know hers... or anyone else's...  
  
Somehow, even as good as this okonomi-yaki tasted, I knew this   
would be bad for business; but I had to seek out the opinion of an   
expert to confirm my suspicions. I poked my head into the kitchen --   
all at once, it seemed a much more pleasant place to be, what with   
the onions safely inside the cooler -- and informed a now-ambulatory   
Ukyou-sama that I needed to step outside for a few minutes, if that   
was all right with her. And with her blessing, I hung a sign out in   
front "Back in ten minutes" and left...  
  
...for the Tendo dojo.  
  
When I knocked at the door to the Tendo residence, I was greeted --   
if you could call it a greeting -- by Akane, resplendent in what   
would be her wedding kimono. All manner of pins were sticking out   
of her from various angles; evidently the kimono was undergoing   
alterations so as to properly fit her. She scowled at me, I don't   
know why; maybe to her, I still represented her rival. "What do   
*you* want?"  
  
"Akane-san, I'm really sorry to bother you like this. Especially   
today... I know how busy all of you are and all that. But may I   
speak with your sister?"  
  
After a brief double-take -- she must have expected this to have   
something to do with Ranma -- Akane replied, "Kasumi's busy with   
the preparations, too, you realize."  
  
"No-no-no. I'd like to speak with Nabiki, if it's at all possible."   
Now she arched her eyebrow; evidently Nabiki rarely received callers.  
  
"I'll see if I can get her. Wait here, okay?"  
  
I nodded. "Of course, Akane-san. And may I say, that is a gorgeous   
wedding dress you have there."  
  
She turned pink from the compliment. "Thank you... it was my   
mother's, actually."  
  
"I might have known... she would have been proud of you, Akane-san."  
  
The way praise can tie a person's tongue... Akane stood there,   
speechless, for a few moments, before shaking herself. "Let me go   
get Nabiki for you," and heading back into the house.  
  
It really wasn't that long before Tendo Nabiki was standing before   
me, looking down at me from the porch of the house. "Okay,   
'Natsu-chan, let's hear it. And this better be good."  
  
"I was telling your sister how sorry I was about disturbing you,   
especially on a day like this, but --"  
  
"Yeah, yeah. Cut to the chase, already..."  
  
"-- anyway, I've got a business-related problem. At least, I think   
it is. Something's wrong at the Ucchan. Now, I don't have much   
in the way of inducements to obtain your assistance; I suppose you're   
not as easily persuaded by a free meal the way Ranma-san is."  
  
"Ahh, hell. I'll take it. I need to get outta here for a while,   
anyway. All this wedding stuff is startin' to get on my nerves.   
I wanna get some air before Daddy starts coming up with some   
guy for *me*."  
  
As we walked to the Ucchan, I explained the predicament, such as   
I understood it. Nabiki could only shake her head in disbelief,   
until we actually got to the Ucchan. Once inside, she took a look   
around at the customers. By now, the salarymen were thoroughly   
sauced, and singing some sad old songs about lost loves. The folks   
at the counter had their heads in their hands and were crying their   
eyes out, and a couple in a booth were holding each other tightly   
and bawling, begging each other not to let go of them. Nabiki let   
out a long, low whistle, the sort of reaction you might get while   
passing a really bad accident. "Whoa. You guys catering a funeral,   
or what?"  
  
"That's what I've been telling you. This is how the customers have   
been all day. Everybody seems to love the okonomi-yaki like this,   
but they all wind up... I don't know... depressed or something."  
  
"Geez. I'd hate to see what'd happen if you served Daddy one of   
those things, huh?"  
  
I had to smile as I tried to picture Tendo Soun even more tearful   
than was his usual wont. "And I can't shake the feeling that this   
isn't going to be good for business, at least, not in the long run.   
That's why I wanted to ask you to try one, and let me know what   
you think; if it'll hurt sales for an ingredient to cause this kind   
of reaction."  
  
She arched her eyebrow as she looked at me. "What is this?   
You gonna try and drug me or something?"  
  
"Please, Nabiki. If I do, it's entirely accidental. There's nothing   
different about this recipe except these onions. I can't figure it   
out, and I know you're the one person out there that I could turn   
to on a business question like this." I handed her a menu, which   
she scanned quickly.  
  
"Hmm." She closed it with a muffled snap. "Shrimp okonomi-yaki,   
if you don't mind."  
  
My eyes rolled. "Nabiki-san, if you don't mind my saying so, is it   
necessary to select the priciest item on the menu?" She shrugged;   
oh well, I sighed to myself, what else did I expect from her? I   
poured the batter out onto the grill, added the shrimp, some nori,   
and a few special seasonings Ukyou-sama tended to use for her   
seafood dishes, flipped it over to brown the top side, and slid the   
finished okonomi-yaki onto Nabiki's plate.  
  
Nabiki bit into the okonomi-yaki, and a smile creased her face.   
"Damn, but this is good stuff, 'Natsu-chan. Looks like you've   
learned the art pretty well."  
  
I blushed coyly. "Thank you, Nabiki-san, but I had the greatest   
of teachers, after all."  
  
Then, it began. That reaction I'd been seeing all day. Her eyes   
went wide and moist, and soon they began to overflow with tears.   
Shortly, I knew, even the calm and cool Nabiki would be overtaken   
by wracking sobs.  
  
But this time, the reaction was different. Nabiki's face took on a   
horrified look of realization. Somehow, she knew exactly why she   
was experiencing these feelings. She quickly stood up and charged   
into the kitchen with a cry of "Ukyou!"  
  
Ukyou-sama barely had a chance to turn around from her preparations   
before Nabiki fell upon her like a lost soul. "Ukyou-san... I never   
knew... I'm... I'm so sorry," she was blubbering.  
  
Ukyou-sama was completely baffled. She turned to me. "*What*   
is going on?"  
  
"I don't know, Mistress. She just had a bite or two of the   
okonomi-yaki, and bolted for the kitchen. I didn't have a chance   
to stop her."  
  
Nabiki grasped Ukyou-sama by the shoulders and looked her straight   
into her eyes. "I swear this to you, Ukyou-san... I'll do whatever   
it takes. I'll get this wedding called off. I... I can't bear this   
pain of yours." And she started sobbing again.  
  
Ukyou-sama's eyes grew large. "You mean that? Honto ne?" Nabiki   
gulped back more tears and nodded vigorously. "Oh, Nabiki! You   
don't know what this means to me!" Now Ukyou-sama began to cry,   
and she clasped Nabiki tightly to herself.  
  
"Actually, I think I do..." I heard Nabiki murmur. The girls held   
each other tightly and sobbed. I think Ukyou-sama's tears were   
tears of joy, but something inside of me told me that no good   
would come of this...  
  
***  
  
More to come shortly... until then, ja!  
  
Itsu mo,  
Ucchan ^_^  
  
  
Visit the Ucchan at http://members.aol.com/ukyoukwnji/index.htm 


	2. (2) Continuation

ONION TEARS  
Part II. Continuation   
  
  
I stood there in the kitchen as Ukyou-sama and Nabiki wept and   
embraced. Nabiki, newly aware of Ukyou-sama's pain at losing Ranma,   
had just made a solemn oath to stop tomorrow's wedding at whatever   
cost. Ukyou-sama sobbed with joy at Nabiki's pronouncement. I could   
only stand there, helpless. I had a nagging feeling that something   
was wrong with this, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what it   
was. But at any rate, the atmosphere in the kitchen was getting   
uncomfortable; I decided to return to work.  
  
I pushed open the door, and was stunned at the sight before me.   
Everyone was still bawling their eyes out; no one had left, and no   
one had finished the okonomi-yakis before them. Some people had   
joined the salarymen in loudly singing a number of maudlin love   
songs. When they saw me emerge, one of the salarymen called out to   
me. "Hey, cutie... c'mere... can we have another round?" He was   
waving a 10,000 yen bill, more than enough to cover another round.   
I walked over to the table.  
  
"Shouldn't you guys being checking in with the office?"  
  
"Ahhh... we called 'em again and tol'em t'fuck off. We ain't going   
in today. C'mon, honey... another round, ne? Please?" As sad as   
they looked, only Tanaka-san still reflected the true agony of lost   
love. By now, the others had pretty well managed to drown their   
enchanted sorrows; in fact, they were starting to get a little   
belligerent.  
  
This did *not* look like it was going to be a good day after all.  
  
"Fine. One more round. But I really think you gentlemen," and I   
resisted the urge to put a sarcastic edge to my voice on that last   
word, "have had just about enough. It's not even noon yet; it's far   
too early to be getting drunk, you know." I turned on my heel,   
without even bothering to take the proffered bill -- I knew it would   
still be there when I returned with the drinks.  
  
I suspected there was going to be a confrontation when I returned to   
their table, so I put it off as long as I possibly could. I checked   
at each of the tables to see if any of the other customers needed   
attention. What they all really needed were tissues; other than   
that, nobody needed much. Finally, the burliest of the salarymen   
called out to me: "Hey girlie... we're not gettin' any younger over   
here!"   
  
Fine, fine...  
  
I took six more sake bottles from the cooler and placed them on my   
tray. As I wove my way to their table, I noticed the burly one   
whisper something to the fellow who had offered the money for this   
round.   
  
"I'm sorry about that, sirs," I said as I set the bottles down in   
front of each of them. "Had to attend to the others. Been   
neglecting 'em a bit, now, haven't I?" I forced a smile as best   
I could, but as I straightened up, the burly one rose from his   
chair and strode heavily (so as not to fall over, I suspected)   
over to me. He was holding the Y10,000 bill.  
  
"Yerr doin' a good job, here, cutie-pie... herezher ten grand..."  
He put his arm around my waist and carefully, deliberately stuffed   
the money in between the padding on my chest, patting each mound   
once for good measure. The only good thing was that he was far too   
deeply into his cups to notice they were fake. "Y'know, therez more   
where that came from. Whaddya say you come with us and help us   
cheer up our ol' buddy, Tanaka, huh?" The others were starting to   
grin, and I was beginning to feel as if I had been set up.  
  
"Please, sir.. this is Nerima, not the Yoshiwara. Why don't you go   
to Soapland or somewhere like that if you need it that badly?"   
  
"Hey, you said it yourself, girlie... it's still morning. Soapland's   
pretty much shut down right now, ain't it? C'monnn..." at which   
point, he quickly wrapped his other arm around me. "We all could   
use some cheering up; whaddya say, fellas?" The responses from his   
colleagues ranged from the glum look on Tanaka's face, to a diabolical   
leer on a skinny younger man, to a hoot of enthusiasm from an older   
man in a rumpled suit. "And seein' as yer the cheeriest one in this   
place, we thought you might be able t'come with us, hmm?"   
  
His grip around me was getting tighter, and I was forced to hold my   
hands in the air as he closed in.   
  
"I'm not that kind of girl! Let me go!" I brought my hands down;   
I intended to rabbit-punch him in the chest -- even when I fight, I   
feel I ought to do so in a feminine fashion -- but as I did, there   
was a hollow sound of bone against wood. The man suddenly dropped   
me, and then dropped, himself. There was a considerable knot on   
his head.  
  
It was at that moment that I realized I had a mallet in my hand.   
So... *this* is how Akane does it...  
  
"Ahh..!" So did the other salarymen. "Look what she did to   
Kotegawa!" Well, it sobered them up in a hurry. Even poor   
Tanaka-san, who I really did feel sorry for, rose with the others   
and bolted out the door, leaving Kotegawa pretty much at my mercy.  
  
Well, I decided to show him mercy. Ukyou-sama might have scooped   
him up with her spatula and thrown him out to the trash, but I   
figured that would be a little excessive. It had been a hard day   
for all of us. I simply dragged him outside, and propped him up   
against the building in the alley next to the restaurant.  
  
Once I walked in, all eyes, tear-stained as they were, were on me.   
I put on a big (admittedly fake) grin.  
  
"Okay..." I said with a slight sigh., "I think we've had enough   
excitement for one day. In fact, I think the Ucchan will be closing   
early today. I'm very sorry about this, but if you all will be so   
kind as to finish up..."  
  
I hardly needed to say more. Slowly, everybody got up from their   
tables and stools, laid money down by the places, and left into the   
bright mid-afternoon sunshine. It pleased me to note that the sun   
was out, and shining brightly; maybe it could offset whatever damage   
those onions may have done to our customers.  
  
After hanging out a sign mentioning that the Ucchan was closed for   
the day (with an apology for the inconvenience, of course), I tallied   
all the checks the customers had left behind, and compared it to our   
receipts. Even as short as the working day had been, it had been one   
of our most profitable days for as far back as I could remember.   
Must have been the drinks -- we don't usually sell a lot of liquor,   
and the profit margin is much better on it than on the food. Not to   
mention the tips! Still, that incident with the salarymen just went   
to show *why* we rarely push the drinks. Truly, I would rather   
have peace and a morsel than bounty and episodes like this that it   
brings about.  
  
***  
  
Now that I'd taken the liberty of shuttering the Ucchan for the day,   
I figured I had the responsibility of informing Ukyou-sama of what   
I'd done. I really didn't know how she'd take it; I guess I figured   
if she wasn't happy about it, I could just, well, show her the money.  
  
The kitchen was empty. Somehow, in the bustle of closing down, the   
two of them had slipped out on me. I sighed. I have been told that   
I have the talent to be a genius, a super-ninja. I'd love to believe   
it. Most of the time, I feel more like an idiot savant. Emphasis   
on the 'idiot' side of the equation. This was one of those times.   
There were no tracks to follow, no way to figure out where they'd   
gone.  
  
On the other hand, I knew what their objective was. So once I   
finished locking the restaurant, I headed off to the Tendo's house.  
Most likely, that would be where I could find them. And even if   
they couldn't be found there, Ranma and Akane needed to be warned.  
  
***  
  
I decided not to announce my presence when I arrived at the dojo as   
I had done that last time. Instead, I leapt up, onto the roof -- and   
nearly crashed into Ranma himself. Indeed, if he hadn't rolled to   
avoid me, I probably would have landed right on him.   
  
He righted himself, and stood in a fighting stance, ready for   
anything I might throw at him. Then, he got a good look at me, and   
nearly facefaulted. "Konatsu? What the heck's the idea?"  
  
I decided the best way out of this was to apologize. Profusely.   
I fell onto my face before him. "Ranma-sama! I'm so sorry! I   
had no idea that you'd be up here! Please forgive me!"  
  
When I looked up, Ranma actually looked rather amused. "Relax.   
Accidents happen, now, don't they? And please, don't call me   
'Ranma-sama,' okay? This whole wedding thing's crazy enough   
without you putting thoughts of Kodachi in my head. And speaking   
of the wedding, c'mon... where *else* didja think I was gonna be,   
huh? I don't wanna be in the middle of all that fooforaw. Between   
Mom and Kasumi trying to fit my tux and Pop and Mr. Tendo trying to   
get me drunk, the roof's the safest place t'be -- at least, until   
you came along. Anyway, get up, will ya, and tell me what's going   
on. Aren't you s'posed to be at the Ucchan?"  
  
"Well, that's true, Ranma-san.." He nodded... evidently that form   
of address was preferable. "But Ukyou-sama's left, and something's   
really strange with the ingredients today, so I decided to close the   
shop down for the day. Besides, I came to warn you that there's   
probably going to be an attempt made on the wedding."  
  
I guess I should have expected his reaction, under the circumstance,   
but at the time, it took me by surprise: Ranma simply snorted at the   
news. "Someone's gonna try and break up the wedding, huh? Well,   
*there's* a news flash. I think we can handle it."  
  
"No, I'm serious, Ranma-san."  
  
"So am I. It's not like it hasn't happened before, Konatsu. And   
sure, this might delay things again. But everything will work out.   
None of the usual suspects ever tries to kill anyone," Oh, no? ran   
through my mind at that... "so we'll be fine. Don't worry about it,   
'Natsu-chan."  
  
"At least listen to me, Ranma-san. I'm telling you, you won't be   
ready for this."  
  
Now his temper was starting to flash. Accusing Ranma of insufficient   
skill or preparation was probably the worst thing I could have done.   
"And I'm tellin' ya, we're gonna be FINE, okay? So just shut up and   
leave me alone."  
  
Damn. Now I *knew* he wouldn't listen.   
  
"All right, Ranma-san. I'm going. Please forgive me for bothering   
you." I put on a happy face, much the way Ukyou-sama does whenever   
Ranma walks into the Ucchan. "Good luck tomorrow, then... big fella."  
  
Once again, Ranma's face took on an amused look at my (deliberately)   
poor attempt at macho camaraderie. "Yeah, sure, whatever. Uh...  
see you at the wedding?"  
  
My voice was as flat as I could make it. "Oh, yeah. Sure. Wouldn't   
miss it for the world." And I stepped off the roof, landing lightly   
in the courtyard of the Tendo compound.  
  
I looked up at the residence. Dusk was slowly creeping over the   
sky, and the lights were beginning to come on in the Tendo girls'   
bedrooms. One of the rooms was brilliantly lit, with shadows moving   
back and forth across the light emanating from it: that had to be   
Akane's room, with all the preparations going on. Two windows   
down, the room was dark. It stood to reason that this was Kasumi's   
room -- after all, she'd be in with Akane and (most likely) Mrs.   
Saotome; why would she (or anyone else, for that matter) need to   
be in her room?  
  
Which meant the middle room had to be Nabiki's. The light seeping   
from her window was an eerie blue glow, as if aliens had landed in   
her room (which would come as no surprise to anyone living in Nerima   
these past few years, but why would they pick Nabiki's room?) There   
was no discernible movement going on -- the light shone with a steady   
luminescence. Despite that, I had a bad feeling that something was   
afoot. I skibbled up the side of the house, up to where I could   
cling to Nabiki's windowsill. I lifted my head just enough to see   
what was going on...  
  
The eerie glow was coming from Nabiki's computer, which I could   
see clearly. Judging from the uniform which she hadn't bothered to   
change out of, Ukyou-sama was sitting at the keyboard, with her back   
to me. Nabiki, on the other hand, was in profile; evidently she was   
talking with Ukyou-sama about her plan. She looked pained, as if   
bearing up under a severe migraine headache. I pressed my ear to   
the glass to discover whether I could listen in. The voices were   
muffled, but audible.  
  
"How did you learn how to do this, Nabiki? It all seems so...   
complicated."  
  
"Hardly. Cut-and-paste is a simple procedure; the only difficulty   
is in moving an *irregular* shape like Ranma-kun across the photo   
like so..."  
  
"Oh, wow!" Evidently, she liked what she was seeing. I removed   
my ear from the glass so that I could see the computer screen.   
Unfortunately, Ukyou-sama's head was blocking my view, so I couldn't   
tell exactly what she was looking at that she liked so much. What   
was clear was that the two girls were doctoring photographs. It   
seemed rather late to try and blackmail Ranma out of this wedding;   
and after all, why was Nabiki doing this?   
  
Suddenly, she paused and put a hand on Ukyou-sama's knee. I set my   
ear to the glass again. Nabiki's voice sounded like it was coming   
from under a crushing weight.  
  
"Ukyou... I gotta ask you... how do you deal with this?"  
  
"Deal with what?" Ukyou-sama's response was cheerful and perky.   
The prospect of calling off Ranma and Akane's wedding had so lifted   
her spirits as to render her unaware of Nabiki's pain; or rather,   
Nabiki's reflection of Ukyou-sama's pain.  
  
"With Ranma-kun. How do you deal with the fact that he's supposedly   
getting married tomorrow, and not to you? You know you've got every   
right to him; as much as Akane and maybe more. You sure seem to   
*want* him more than she does. And yet, it looks like she's gonna   
win. I mean, it's gotta hurt -- in fact, I know full *well* it does.   
This is unbearable, and I've only been dealing with it for a few   
hours. You've been living with this for what? Eight, ten years?"  
  
"Twelve." Ukyou-sama's voice had turned somber. "You get used   
to it, Nabiki. I have my okonomi-yaki to take my mind off my   
troubles. I suspect you'd be able to drown it out, too. You've got   
your businesses, your gambling, your..."  
  
"Yeah, yeah... I guess. But man, this really hurts. I just want it   
to end."  
  
I thought I heard a derisive snort, and then Ukyou-sama spoke up   
again: "It never ends, Nabiki. Never. Either you live with it, or   
you overcome it." Then, it brightened. "And we're gonna overcome   
it tonight, eh? This looks like a great plan. Now, we need some   
latex..." I heard a chair scrape. Uh-oh. I let go of the portion   
of the wall I was clinging to and dropped back to the ground. It   
would do me no good to be spotted when those two got up.  
  
I hid myself in a bush as I mulled over the situation. So who's   
harmed by Ukyou-sama finally getting her man, after all? Nabiki   
will be feeling much better, or at least that's the conclusion she's   
come to. Ukyou-sama will certainly consider herself better off,   
and I'd have to agree with her that she is ideal for Ranma-san.  
  
But what about Akane? Maybe I should ask her...  
  
I stood up. The brilliant light was still shining from her window,   
while the glow from Nabiki's room had been extinguished. I didn't   
consider where the two girls might have gone, but simply scrambled   
up to Akane's window. Peeking in, I noticed that she was alone in   
the room, at least for the moment. An opportune time to approach her.  
  
I shunted the window aside and slipped in as quietly as I could.   
I suppose, what with the lights on and all, any secrecy to my   
movements was a waste of effort. But old habits die hard. Actually,   
Akane was still looking at herself in the mirror, admiring the   
Western-style gown she had on, and so didn't notice my entrance;   
at least, not until I rose to my feet and coughed to get her attention.  
  
I got it, all right. She nearly jumped a foot in the air. Then, upon   
realizing it was me, she relaxed considerably. "Konatsu! You gave   
me a start. What are you doing here?"  
  
I held a finger over my lips, and then walked over to her and   
touched her. "Please... not so loud, Akane-san. I don't want your   
sister to know I'm here. She and Ukyou-sama might not appreciate   
this..." Her eyes popped wide open at the suggestion that Ukyou-sama   
was *here*, at the dojo, and that one of her sisters might be in   
league with her. "Uh.. I realize this is a bad time for you, but we   
haven't much time to lose..."  
  
Akane shook here head rather violently; evidently in an attempt to   
clear it and digest this information. Then she looked up at me   
brightly. "Why, no, not really. I'm finished getting fitted for   
this gown, and the kimono's done, too." There was something behind   
her eyes that belied the chirpy tone of her response. "I think   
Kasumi and Auntie Saotome went looking for Ranma.."  
  
"He's on the roof."  
  
"Yeah, that's what I told them, too. He really should stop trying to   
hide up there... everyone knows that's where he goes. Anyway, they're   
probably fitting him for his outfits for tomorrow. Let me change, and   
we'll go somewhere where we can talk."  
  
"How about the Ucchan?" She gave me a very strange look; I waved   
my hands in front of me. "Look, Akane-san.. You've got to trust me   
on this one. The restaurant's closed, but you and I can go there   
and talk privately."  
  
I guess she believed me. "All right, Konatsu. Just a moment...   
where are my jeans? Oh, and can you get these hooks on my back?"   
I walked over and unfastened the back of her gown. It tumbled to   
the floor, leaving her standing in a white camisole and panties. I   
backed off hurriedly and covered my face. Akane reacted with a   
measure of surprise until she remembered who I was. "Oops. Sorry   
about that, Konatsu." She headed behind a screen to finish changing,   
still chattering away: "You know, you really ought to dress more   
like the man you are, Konatsu. I keep forgetting you're not a girl,   
and I get too comfortable around you..."  
  
"I'm sorry, Akane-san. I'll try harder to do that. But old habits   
are hard to break. And everybody seems to like me as a girl."  
  
"Yeah, but the first guy that tries to take you out on a date is in   
for a nasty surprise. Unless, of course, you and he are both, uh..."  
  
For once, I found myself smiling at what she was trying to say.   
"No fear, Akane-san. I've had guys ask me out. It's a waitress'   
occupational hazard. A few words to the wise tend to be sufficient."  
  
She came out from behind the screen, casually attired in T-shirt   
and jeans. "Ah, that's better." She looked up at me, still smiling.   
"And a knee to the groin works pretty well for the unwise, eh?"  
  
"Don't know about that. Did you ever use that on Kuno-san?"  
  
"No, but it wouldn't have worked on him. All you can do with Kuno   
is put as much distance between you and him as possible. That's   
when ya gotta punt."  
  
Even despite her eyes, her affected attitude was contagious. I was   
unable to suppress a grin. "I'll keep that in mind. Though I think   
Kuno actually knows I'm a guy."  
  
Akane's smirk was genuine, albeit a bit surprised at the news.   
"Really. Now if only he'd wise up to his 'Osage-no-onna'."  
  
***  
  
Tokyo as a whole may not ever go to sleep, but the Nerima business   
district at night was a dark, quiet and rather spooky place. As we   
walked through the streets to the Ucchan, I felt Akane's hand in   
mine more than once. And as I felt it resting there, searching for   
security and comfort in the darkness, I also felt a slight twinge   
inside of myself. This is the hand, or so I was told, for which the   
entire male population of Furinkan High School once fought...   
regularly. And here it was... in mine.  
  
"You know... this is really strange..."  
  
"Mm? How's that, Akane-san?"  
  
"Well, it's different to be walking along next to a boy who's not   
looking down on me from the fence rail. It's kinda odd to be   
actually holding hands with somebody... And it's *really* weird   
that it's not Ranma." At this, I dropped her hand, quickly -- maybe   
she'd rather not do so. She picked it back up and patted it a   
couple of times.  
  
"It's okay, Konatsu... really. I said it was strange, not bad.   
Besides," and she looked around through the dark paths we were   
taking to the Ucchan, "I still need you to lead me along.  
  
"Anyway, what's the story with your boss and my sister? Why'dja   
need to drag me out here in the dead of the night so that they   
wouldn't know what you were doing?"  
  
So I told her everything I knew.  
  
***  
  
Akane was sitting on a stool alongside the grill, right next to the   
cash register. After hearing about the onions, she insisted she try   
one. At the very least, she wanted to see if they would help her to   
understand how Ukyou-sama was feeling. "The one thing I don't get,   
though, is..."  
  
"Gomen nasai, Akane-san. Could you hold that thought? I've gotta   
head into the kitchen for the batter." She nodded, and I headed for   
the kitchen, and the walk-in cooler. I opened it up, and checked the   
stainless steel bowl that held the oniony batter. After having sat   
all afternoon and evening, the eggs had separated from the rest of   
the mixture. I'd have to mix up the entire bowl before it would be   
ready. I decided it would be easier to just whip up a single-serving   
size batch instead. So I merely grabbed one chicken egg and one   
quail egg and stepped out of the cooler.  
  
Let's see... bag of flour, cup of stock... okay, that should be enough   
for now. I pushed open the door to the dining area with my back, as   
my hands were full. "Alright, then... you were saying?"  
  
Akane looked up from where she was staring at a spot on the grill.  
  
"Huh? Oh... I forget. Sorry. No, wait... you said Nabiki offered   
to help stop the wedding?"  
  
I nodded. "Uh-huh. Said she couldn't take Ukyou-sama's pain. And   
you know something? I think she's still feeling it. I suspect she   
figures that by getting Ranma-san and Ukyou-sama together, that   
pain will go away, because Ukyou-sama's will go away, for sure."  
  
I began opening the cabinets below and around the grill, looking for   
a small mixing bowl. "I don't know whether to be happy about the   
situation or not, to be honest. I mean, this has been Ukyou-sama's   
life goal, to marry Ranma-san; unlike you, the engagement between   
them was her idea. And I think Ranma-san really does like her; she   
is, after all, the closest thing to a friend he's got, no? Isn't   
that supposed to be a *good* place for a marriage to start? As   
friends?"  
  
"Well, I guess so..." Something was wrong with Akane's voice. As   
soon as I got my hands on the mixing bowl, I stood up to look at her.   
Her face wore a look of utter defeat.  
  
"Akane-san..? Is something wrong?"  
  
There was a momentary flash of fire in her eyes; then, she lowered   
her gaze. "What do *you* think, Konatsu? I'm getting married   
tomorrow... or rather, I'm *supposed* to get married tomorrow.   
I really do care about that idiot, and I always dreamed that he   
might care about me... someday. But there's always somebody who's   
a little bit better than me somehow or another who wants him as bad   
as I do. And while I always had the advantage of a good, solid,   
stable, loving family as my ace in the hole, now even that's starting   
to fail me." She looked up, the fire having returned to her eyes.   
"So of COURSE there's something wrong!"  
  
"I... I'm sorry, Akane-san... I didn't mean to offend you."  
  
The fire dissipated as quickly as it had come. "Oh, that's all   
right, Konatsu. I shouldn't lose my temper at you. It isn't as if   
this was *your* fault, after all."  
  
"Well, I guess it *was* a rather dumb question..."  
  
She grinned weakly. "Yeah, it was." There was a long pause during   
which we just stared at each other, trying to collect our thoughts.   
Finally, Akane spoke up: "Anyway, you said you had mixed feelings   
about this whole thing, right?"  
  
Her voice snapped me out of my reverie, and I began to mix the   
okonomi-yaki batter as I replied. "Well, you see, the thing is   
that I think the she and Nabiki may be going about it the wrong   
way. I don't know what the right way would *be*, but trickery and   
blackmail -- Nabiki's stock in trade -- would *definitely* be   
uncalled-for."  
  
Azusa's onion was still sitting there by the grill where she had   
dropped it this morning, and I picked it up. I took a large knife   
out of a nearby drawer, and readied myself to attack the onion   
before it had a chance to affect me. As I chopped, I began to   
think about the other reason I was concerned about what Nabiki   
and Ukyou-sama were planning, a reason sitting right in front of   
me. Where would this leave her? I had heard all of Ukyou-sama's   
arguments before, about how she would be the perfect wife for Ranma,   
and I admit I believed them... mostly. It made sense, really.. the   
dojo was really supported by the three girls: Kasumi the domestic,   
Nabiki the financial, and Akane the martial artist of the three.   
Even on a practical level, this made Ukyou the perfect candidate,  
as she had expertise in all three realms.  
  
But despite all her denials all this time, Akane had obviously   
grown to love Ranma, and I would imagine that her love would to   
some extent have been reciprocated. What would happen to that?   
And while Ranma would have Ukyou-sama, what would happen to Akane?  
  
And then there's this betrayal by her own sister. Now granted, it   
would seem as if Nabiki can't help herself on this, but still...   
the first emotion she ever experiences besides greed, and it pits   
her squarely against her little sister. Such crushing news.   
All at once, it didn't seem too good of an idea to prepare this   
okonomi-yaki for Akane.  
  
"Wow, Konatsu, that was really fast!" Was I done with the onion?   
I hadn't noticed a... WHOA! The smell rose up from the finely   
chopped onion pieces; it had finally caught up with both of us.   
Akane covered her eyes with her eyes. "Ow. I see what you were   
saying about it being strong."  
  
I squinted and blinked tears from my eyes as I dumped the onion into   
the batter. "Yeah; that's why I have to chop it up so fast. Once   
that acid stings your eyes, you're in trouble. Ukyou-sama looked   
awful this morning after about a half-hour of this. Of course..."   
and my voice dropped a bit as I recalled, "she didn't look all that   
good when she got up first thing, either."  
  
Akane looked a bit sad at this comment. "I suppose Ranma's Tenshin   
Amaguriken technique would be invaluable under the circumstances,"   
she murmured. I sighed. No matter who wound up with Ranma, someone   
was going to get hurt -- badly. I didn't want it to happen to either   
of them, but I didn't know how to change that. I decided to change   
the subject.  
  
"So... whaddya want on your okonomi-yaki, anyway?"  
  
***  
  
It wasn't long before I had a beef okonomi-yaki sizzling on the grill.   
Akane shifted on her stool. "So tell me, Konatsu, what about you   
and Ukyou?"  
  
"Hm? What about us?"  
  
"Well, don't you have a thing for her?"  
  
I shrugged as I flipped the okonomi-yaki over. "That's true, but..."  
  
"Ha! So you have an ulterior motive for trying to stop her,   
don't you?"  
  
"Well... maybe. I don't think so, though. All I really want is   
for Ukyou-sama to be happy. And if that means she's happy if she's   
married to Ranma, then so be it. I just don't think she'd be happy   
to win him by less than honorable means. And I always thought..."   
and I presented the finished okonomi-yaki to her with a slight   
flourish, "that she'd try and make sure there were some acceptable   
alternatives for you. She's always tried to be on reasonably good   
terms with you, after all. She wanted to be your friend, too,   
believe it or not. Remember that time she tried to set you and   
Ryoga up?"  
  
"How'd you know about that?"  
  
"She's told me. I've heard a lot of stories since I started working   
here, Akane...  
  
"Eat up, now... or it'll get cold."  
  
She responded with a sardonic grin. "You sound just like... like   
your mistress, Konatsu." On the verge of disaster, and she can   
still make jokes. An incredible woman...  
  
She took a piece with her chopsticks and brought it to her mouth.   
I watched her intently; thankfully, she was too busy studying the   
okonomi-yaki to be offended at my staring at her. She took the bite,   
chewed, and swallowed...  
  
She took a deep breath as the onions began to take effect. "Gosh,   
'Natsu-chan, you've really improved at this! This is terrific..."  
  
and then the chopsticks fell from her suddenly numb hand, and   
clattered onto the plate. Her forehead grew wrinkled with lines,   
and she began to return my own intense stare. But not a tear fell.  
  
We stared at each other for what seemed like an hour. I was waiting   
for some kind of reaction from her; I had no idea what she was   
searching for in my face... until she spoke:  
  
"Konatsu... what's going to happen to you?"  
  
Hunh? "What was that?"  
  
"I mean.. if Ranma marries Ukyou, what happens to you? If they set   
up housekeeping here at the Ucchan, that sorta leaves you out in the   
cold, doesn't it? Where are you gonna go?"  
  
I hadn't thought about it, to be honest. It wasn't the sort of thing   
that crossed my mind. I had been too worried about Akane and her   
feelings to think about the possibility of eviction. "I don't know,   
Akane-san..."  
  
"I mean, you can't go back to the teahouse, now, can you?"  
  
I considered this. "Well, I suppose I could..."  
  
"But you'd be putting yourself back in slavery to your step-mother!   
You can't *do* that to yourself!"  
  
I shrugged. "Akane-san... I'd lived like that for years. I can go   
back to it if I really have to."  
  
She shook her head sadly. "There's got to be a better way. Maybe we   
could put you up at the dojo for awhile. At least until we can get   
you back onto your feet or something."  
  
"That's very kind of you, Akane-san, but I'm more concerned about you   
right now. Is there anything I can do for you?"  
  
Her eyes took on a sort of glazed look. "Yeah... I think I need   
somewhere to crash. Today has been *so* busy. I'm just... tired."  
  
"Well, I guess... come on." I took her by the hand and led her   
upstairs to Ukyou-sama's apartment. A voice in the back of my mind   
was screaming at me how utterly *wrong* this was... taking a girl,   
who was about to marry someone else, back to my quarters, and then   
taking her into a bedroom that not only wasn't my own (not that I   
*have* a bedroom to speak of), but that belonged to my boss, the girl   
that I truly loved. But I argued back that I didn't have any designs   
on Akane, and she really was starting to look as if she could collapse.   
The day must have been truly hectic, and the emotional strain those   
onions put on her -- it still amazed me that she never shed a tear;   
such control! -- had quite clearly taken their toll. There was no   
way she'd make it back to the dojo in her condition.  
  
In fact, it turned out, she couldn't even make it up the stairs.   
I wound up carrying her up there, Rhett Butler-style. As I did,   
I could hear Akane's voice in my mind's ear...  
  
"Whatever shall I do? Wherever shall I go?" Trouble was, I *did*   
give a damn. And for the moment, she didn't.  
  
***  
  
She lay on the bed, looking around the room at all the pictures of   
Ranma on the walls and ceilings. "Kami-sama..." she murmured, "this   
girl's got it bad for him." I nodded sadly.  
  
"Yeah. It's a wonder she ever gets to sleep around here. Maybe she   
doesn't. In fact, I *know* she hasn't for the past week now.  
  
"Anyway, you rest well. I'll wake you in the morning, and we'll head   
to the dojo about dawn, okay?" I began to walk out of the room and   
turn the lights out.  
  
"Please... don't go."  
  
"What? Well, what do you want me to do?"  
  
Her voice was growing faint and she drifted away. "Please... could   
you come here?"  
  
I walked over and stood by the bed. "Okay, Akane-san. I'm here."  
  
"Hold me... please?" Ulp.  
  
Ooo-kay. I climbed into the bed, and put my arms around her.   
"Is that better?"  
  
"Uh-hnhn..."  
  
"How long do you want me to hold you, Akane-san?"  
  
"..."  
  
"Akane-san?"  
  
"..."  
  
Asleep, evidently. And lying on top of one of my arms; I wouldn't be   
able to get out of this with out waking her. I should have known this   
was going to happen. Now I was stuck here; guess I'll just have to   
make myself comfortable. Still, she seemed content enough, and that   
was what really mattered, right?  
  
That was my last thought as the darkness came and enveloped me as well.  
  
*****  
*****  
  
Oh my...  
  
As usual, this story is not going anywhere I planned for it to,   
originally (Then again, I didn't actually *have* a plan when the   
Introduction was released, now, did I?) But to cast Ukyou in a   
somewhat villainous light, and possibly linking Akane and Konatsu...?   
Fiction is stranger than fiction, or so it would seem.  
  
Please, as always... comments, criticisms, flames even can be sent to   
me at:  
  
ukyoukwnji@aol.com  
  
I really need to get a feel for what and how well I'm doing. And   
there's more to come yet, so stay tuned. Until then, ja!  
  
Itsu mo,  
Ucchan ^_^  
  
  
http://members.aol.com/ukyoukwnji/index.htm  



	3. (3) Culmination

ONION TEARS  
Part III. Culmination   
  
  
Dawn took me by surprise. The light streamed in through the window,   
and I sat bolt upright. I was in a bed... Ukyou-sama's bed... with a   
woman... oh, no. I couldn't have...  
  
The woman in bed with me was lying with her back to me. As the light   
began to trickle in onto her, she stirred and turned over...  
  
...Akane?  
  
Then, it all came back to me. I had intended to warn her that   
Ukyou-sama and Nabiki were planning to somehow disrupt her wedding   
to Ranma tomorrow -- no, wait... it was today!  
  
Oh, Kami-sama... I was in bed with her on her wedding day!  
  
I leaped out of bed and prostrated myself. "Akane-san, I'm so sorry.   
I didn't mean to do this to you. Please, wake up! We've got to get   
you back to the dojo! You're getting married today, if I have anything   
to say about it!"  
  
Akane blinked groggily, and then began to look around in order to get   
her bearings. "Mmm? Wh-where am I? ...Konatsu? What are *you* doing   
here?"  
  
I could hardly dare to tell her. "You asked me to stay and hold you,   
Akane-san. I think we both fell asleep. I'm so sorry about this."  
  
"Oh..." She nodded, and her eyelids drooped back down. No... I can't   
let this happen. I opened up the bedroom window, took a deep breath,   
scooped her up in my arms, and jumped out. I had to get her back in   
time for the wedding, conscious or no.  
  
***  
  
As I bounded from rooftop to rooftop, I thanked my lucky stars that   
Ukyou-sama had not come home. From the day we first met, when she   
brought me in to her okonomi-yaki shop as a waitress, I had been so   
deeply indebted to her. She, along with Ranma and Akane, were the   
first people in my life to ever show me any real kindness since my   
parents died. And *this* was how I was paying her back? What might   
she have said to finding me in her bed? With Akane, even?  
  
I squeezed my eyes shut in frustration; it was dawning on me that aside   
from the fact that we were in her bed, I had done her a great favor.   
With Akane out of the way, she and Nabiki were pretty much free to carry   
out their scheme, whatever it might be. Instead of preventing this   
disruption as I had intended, I had made it that much easier for her.   
And she would have been pleased with it. I sighed.  
  
I always wanted to do right by my mistress, but I still couldn't get   
over he thought that this was not the way it should be. Akane and  
Ranma, too, had shown me so much kindness when I first arrived; why   
should I want to hurt them? Especially Ranma; I had been trying to   
kill him when I first arrived, albeit half-heartedly. Of course, Ranma   
wouldn't be hurt by, say, marrying Ukyou-sama instead of Akane...  
  
A hand clutched my shoulder, and I heard her voice, still only semi-  
conscious: "Ranma?"  
  
She really did think I was he. And there was a smile on her lips.   
She really did love him. Damn.  
  
I redoubled my speed as I hurried to the dojo.  
  
***  
  
Once again, we landed on the rooftop on the Tendo house, as silently   
as possible. The last traces of orange and red were being burnt away   
as the sun continued its ascent from its resting place far out in the   
Pacific. Genma and Ranma weren't out practicing this morning, as was   
their usual wont. If I was lucky, they might all still be asleep   
after a long day yesterday; after all, the wedding wasn't until   
mid-afternoon.  
  
I set Akane down, still sleeping, and peeked over the eaves into what   
bedroom windows I could see. No movement, at least none from my   
limited vantage point. Good. I carried her down into the courtyard,   
slipped inside via the open living room door (there was no *way* I   
was going to try for her window with her in my arms or on my back),   
and snuck upstairs to her room.  
  
Her door was locked, but I happen to wear hairpins, so jimmying it   
open wasn't too difficult. I set Akane down onto her bed as gently   
as I could (she didn't even stir), opened the window -- good thing I   
hadn't used it, ne? -- and leaped out. She'd wake up in her own bed;   
maybe she wouldn't even remember what happened last night. Which was   
probably for the best.  
  
***  
  
I got back to the Ucchan, and since Ukyou-sama still hadn't returned,   
I scrambled about her apartment to make it look as if it had gone   
undisturbed the whole time. Whether or not I had done her a favor   
by keeping Akane away, I was pretty sure she'd be upset if she   
discovered *where* we'd been sleeping. Once I was satisfied that   
the place looked about the same way as she'd left it last, I slowly   
returned to my little corner of the kitchen that I had set up as my   
quarters.  
  
There was no sense in opening up the Ucchan, even if it *was* past   
six-thirty already; Sunday was generally a slow day in terms of   
morning traffic. The closed sign was still up, and of course,   
Ukyou-sama hadn't returned from... wherever and whatever she went   
to do. Any regulars might assume she was greiving for a fiance lost.   
Would that the truth was so noble...  
  
I settled myself down on my futon in the corner. I was going to need   
this little catnap. I slept for what turned out to be nearly five   
hours, and woke up quite refreshed when the afternoon sun crept onto   
my futon. I put on my best kimono; after all, I had a wedding to   
attend.  
  
***  
  
I arrived early, so as to get a good seat, near the front. My chair   
was off to one side, and as I waited for the ceremony to begin, I turned   
it sideways. From where I sat, I could see everyone as they came in. I   
recognized a number of students from Furinkan, and even a teacher or   
two. Mr. Tendo, however, was making a concerted effort to keep some   
distance between himself and little Miss Hinako. Azusa also tumbled   
in, dragging her old partner Mikado Sanzenin along with her. She was   
back to her old, beaming self, and I noted happily that this meant   
that she would not be bothering me today. Mikado, for his part,   
looked rather weary. I'd wager he had no idea why Azusa came back   
to him all of a sudden, and even less what to do about her now that   
she had.  
  
I also noted a few unfamiliar faces in the back of the crowd,   
some with cameras, others with notepads. Journalists, I suspected;   
Ranma and Akane had become local celebrities, so it wasn't all that   
surprising. On the other hand, it probably wasn't all that welcome;   
advertisement for the dojo was one thing, but Mr. Tendo really   
disliked the notoriety his daughter and her fiance had acquired   
over the years. Still, with all the collateral damage from their   
many battles, both with outsiders and each other, it wasn't as if   
they could simply be ignored, in any case.  
  
In the midst of this throng, I noticed no sign of Ukyou-sama. Still,   
after the fiasco that occurred at the last wedding attempt, I guess   
that it wouldn't come as any surprise. None of the other rivals for   
Ranma's affections were present either, so as sorry as I was that she   
wasn't here to see this, I concluded that Ukyou-sama had not been   
specifically snubbed.  
  
But Nabiki wasn't here either, and that struck me as rather worrysome.   
I hoped that she was merely boycotting the event while still under the   
onions' influence, but I knew better. She and Ukyou-sama *had* to   
still be plotting something... but what?  
  
As I continued to mull over the possibilities, the ceremony began. The   
priest came out first, followed shortly thereafter by a rather nervous   
Ranma dressed in a traditional groom's hakama. Perhaps he had started   
to take my warning seriously. If so, this was a curious reaction to it:   
a Japanese style wedding would take considerably longer than the Western   
style one they had attempted some time back. That meant that there   
would be plenty of extra time for someone -- anyone -- to interrupt   
the proceedings. Of course, I was pretty sure that this wasn't exactly   
Ranma's idea. He looked pretty damned uncomfortable up there (then   
again, he'd looked pretty uncomfortable in a tuxedo the last time, so   
you never can tell).  
  
The parents followed shortly thereafter, Mr. Tendo weeping as always,   
Mr. and Mrs. Saotome with heads held high. You could see the pride   
they had in their son, and while I couldn't be sure, I thought I saw   
Genma looking around at the dojo with a slightly greedy expression.   
All the stories that Ukyou-sama had told me about Genma Saotome came   
back to my memory, and my gorge rose slightly at the look I thought I   
was seeing. I did my best to push the thought from my mind.  
  
Finally, Akane came out, resplendent in the wedding kimono I had seen   
her in yesterday morning. She still looked beautiful, but even after   
all those alterations she had undergone yesterday, the dress still   
didn't seem to quite fit her. The dress was evidently designed for   
a woman a few inches shorter than her; all the alteration in the   
world wouldn't have been able to fix that and make it look good,   
and especially not at this short of notice. I was a bit puzzled,   
though -- I had thought it looked quite good on her yesterday.   
What had gone wrong? Had a few too many inches been lopped off   
the hem? Surely, neither Kasumi nor Nodoka could be that careless...  
  
The hooded cowl of the kimono was up, obscuring her face, and she   
stared at the ground as she walked forward and seated herself before   
the man who was soon to be her husband.  
  
All at once, the side wall of the dojo bowed, causing everyone to   
move quickly to the other side. Then the wall collapsed, and it   
occurred to me that this could be part of Nabiki's plan.  
  
Not quite. "Violent girl no marry ai ren! Shampoo put stop to   
marry once, now Shampoo do it again!"   
  
For once, Akane was prepared. Her right arm swung out in a wide arc,   
and Shampoo was pinned to the remains of the wall...  
  
...with spatulas?  
  
All the eyes that had been focussed on the Amazon interloper   
immediately switched back to the bride. Even Shampoo was stunned,   
more from the implications the weapons carried than the weapons   
themselves. Ranma seemed almost less stunned than most. He walked   
up to his bride, and flipped the cowl of the kimono back to reveal...  
  
"Ukyou? What the *hell* d'ya think you're doing?"  
  
That he didn't refer to her as 'Ucchan' was not lost on her, and   
Ukyou-sama flinched as she took in all that it implied. Nevertheless,   
she stood her ground. She met his gaze, smiled as sweetly as she   
could manage, and replied: "I'm your fiancee, Ran-chan. Aren't we   
getting married today?"  
  
As the congregation murmured amongst themselves, Ranma declared to   
her face, "No, we are NOT!" I slipped out of the dojo. I knew what   
was coming. Ukyou-sama and I had had this discussion many times over   
throughout the last few months. She had wanted to practice what she   
would say to Ranma, if she were to be lucky enough to actually have   
the chance, and when the Ucchan was closed for the night, I would   
stand in for him and listen to her as we cleaned the place up. I was   
allowed to address her as 'Ucchan' then, and was under strict orders   
to be as brusque and careless in my responses as Ranma might be. She   
almost invariably won those debates, but try as I might, I never found   
it easy to deny my own feelings for Ukyou-sama. If she thought she   
could win him now with words alone, I suspected the real Ranma would   
prove a much more formidable opponent than I.  
  
It didn't help, either, that no matter how much he might deny it,   
he had feelings for Akane that came between him and Ukyou-sama that   
didn't apply to me.  
  
At least, not back then...  
  
...and now, where *was* that girl?  
  
***  
  
I decided to start my search with her room, and the obvious solution   
paid off. Dressed in the Western-style gown, Akane sat at her desk,   
facing into her mirror, as Nabiki stood behind her, calmly brushing her   
hair. Nabiki hardly batted an eye when I burst in.  
  
"Hey there, 'Natsu-chan. You're early, aren't ya? The wedding's not   
until three, you know. Still, maybe you can find yourself a seat in   
the dojo before it gets crowded." It was a puzzling response until I   
noticed the digital clock by Akane's bed... reading 1:15.  
  
It kind of made me feel like I was in a small time warp. "Since when did   
you girls run on Jusenkyo time?"  
  
Now it was Akane's turn to look puzzled. "What are you talking about,   
Konatsu?"  
  
"I mean, your clock is two hours behind, Akane. I don't really know   
why..." and I shot Nabiki a look, "but I think you two need to get   
downstairs, right away!"  
  
I held out my hand for Akane to take, but Nabiki slapped it away.   
"We'll come down when we're good and ready. I still have to finish   
with her hair, isn't that right, Akane?"  
  
"Nabiki... if this has been your idea, you're going to have to at least   
explain yourself to your dad. I imagine he'll be pretty pissed at you,   
too."  
  
"Yeah, right. Like anything like this is anything other than Ranma-kun's   
fault. He'll be so mad, he'll even be glad to be rid of him." She   
smiled triumphantly.  
  
"Excuse me?" Akane stood up. "What is this all about? What *is* going   
on down there? Are you telling me the truth, Konatsu?"  
  
I gave her a look of helpless despair. "Why would I lie to you about this?   
Everyone knows it's Ukyou-sama down there..."  
  
At this, Nabiki was suddenly in my face. "What?! Did you tell them?   
Did you..." and her voice dropped to an accusative stage whisper, "did you   
betray your own mistress?"  
  
That accusation hurt, and I responded angrily, "I might as easily ask why   
*you're* betraying your own *sister*, Nabiki-san. But no, I didn't tell   
anyone down there. Shampoo came in and broke things up."  
  
Nabiki put a hand to her head. Her face became pained again. "Oh, no.   
So that's how they all know. Well... time for damage control. Luckily,   
there's always a Plan B." She took Akane's hand, and charged out of the   
bedroom. I followed closely behind.  
  
I wanted to ask Akane why she was going along with Nabiki, but there was   
going to be no way of getting her out of her sister's iron grasp without   
being noticed...  
  
***  
  
Ukyou-sama was still finishing her argument as to why she was the proper   
fiancee for Ranma as we came in. She glanced in our direction, and a   
shocked expression crossed her face. I think she was surprised to see   
me behind the two Tendo sisters. Her eyes moved off of my face and onto   
Nabiki's. The elder sister nodded, ever so slightly, and Ukyou-sama   
launched into an argument that I'd never heard before, one that would   
seal Ranma's fate -- if it were true.  
  
"...and finally, Ran-chan, you have to marry me in order to do the right   
thing."  
  
Ranma, naturally, looked puzzled. "The right thing? Ucchan," I was   
almost relieved to hear him use that name once again, "if this is about   
that promise my old man made, there's no way I can keep 'em both. You   
and Akane... I've gotta pick one or the other. It's not like I can marry   
you both..."  
  
"So you'll marry her while I'm carrying your child?"  
  
"Say WHAT??!" Ranma was poleaxed. So was I, for that matter. So was   
the congregation. A buzz went up from the assembly: "She's pregnant?"   
"You mean she and Ranma...?"  
  
And especially, so was Mr. Tendo. The demon head erupted, and not a few   
of the wedding guests skittered quickly from the dojo. "IS THIS TRUE,   
RANMA-KUN? DID YOU ACTUALLY HAVE YOUR WAY WITH THIS... THIS..." Words,   
evidently, failed him, and the demon head subsided. But only slightly.  
  
For his part, Ranma was waving his hands in front of himself. "This has   
gotta be some kinda practical joke, Mr. Tendo. I've never done nothing   
like that to anyone. Certainly not with Ucchan. C'mon, man..." and he   
started to chuckle nervously, "lighten up. I *know* I'd remember if I   
did that."  
  
"Not necessarily, Ranma-kun..." Nabiki stepped forward, and all eyes   
went to her. Mr. Tendo dropped the demon head routine like a hot potato   
-- he could never use it on his little girls, especially not the one who   
might well have significant dirt on him -- and stared at his middle   
daughter. She turned to face him. "If he's in neko-ken mode, you know,   
he has no idea what he's doing... and no memory of what he did. So you   
can't really blame him, Daddy... he wasn't in control of himself."  
  
Mr. Tendo tried to digest this information. "So, while he was in a   
cat-fist mode..."  
  
"...he barged into the Ucchan a couple of months ago. Ukyou chased him   
outside, so that he wouldn't disturb the restaurant and the customers.   
They ended up in an alley nearby, and as Ukyou tried to calm him, they   
struggled. In nothing flat, both of them were naked, and then, well..."  
  
Akane shot me a desperate glance. "Is this true, Konatsu-chan?"  
  
***  
  
All that was running through my head at that moment was how the biggest   
lies are wrapped around a grain of truth. In fact, Ranma had indeed   
burst into the restaurant some three or four months previous, yowling   
like mad and scattering the customers. Ukyou-sama had gently tried   
batting him outside with her spatula, and consequently, the spatula   
suffered considerable damage in the ensuing melee. Finally, she had   
managed to get him outside, and neither of them were seen for some time.   
It was only after an hour of wondering what had become of her (and   
feigning unconcern for the customers' sake), that Ukyou-sama came into   
the dining area through the kitchen. She had scratchmarks onher face,   
and I noticed that there was a trickle of blood running down the inside   
of one leg. Her outfit, however, was in perfect shape.  
  
It was always my knee-jerk reaction in such a situation to ask Ukyou-sama   
if she were all right, but the answer to that was quite obvious, and if   
I were to have asked it, she would inform me of that fact in no uncertain   
terms. Instead, I managed to come up with "What happened out there,   
Ukyou-sama?" It was a question I imagined most of the customers were   
dying to ask themselves; and one that Ukyou was apparantly not prepared   
to discuss in detail.  
  
"I took care of him, Konatsu. Everything's fine."  
  
"No, it's not! Look at you, Ukyou-sama; you're hurt."  
  
"Yeah, well... I've had worse." She barely suppressed a rueful grin.   
"Though you shoulda seen what he did to my outfit." I did get to see   
it later that day; it was completely tattered, like a flag full of   
buckshot. "Anyway, he won't be disturbing anyone for awhile..."  
  
"Well, at least let me dress your wounds..."  
  
"No! I... uh... I can take care of them myself, too." Then she turned   
to the customers, most of whom were paying close attention to our little   
exchange. "What're you all looking at?!" Everyone went back to their   
okonomi-yaki in a hurry.  
  
I couldn't believe Nabiki was telling the truth, but in retrospect, it   
seemed quite possible...  
  
***  
  
"Is this true, Konatsu-chan?"  
  
What could I do? I shrugged helplessly. "I honestly couldn't say,   
Akane-san. I didn't see what happened after she chased him out of the   
restaurant. I'm so sorry."  
  
A blue aura began to glow around Akane, and I backed away, even though   
I knew her wrath wasn't directed at me. Best to stay out of her way in   
any case. The congregation also started to give Akane a wide berth as   
she slowly moved toward Ranma.   
  
All at once, though, she stopped. The blue glow faded abruptly, and   
she began to laugh.  
  
It wasn't the laughter of a person going insane; everyone in Nerima was   
familiar enough with Kodachi Kuno to know what that sounded like. No,   
it sounded more like a chess player whose opponent had just played right   
into her hands. Everyone began to look at each other, some wondering   
aloud what this could mean. I simply stared at Akane. She would reveal   
everything soon enough.  
  
Sure enough, that laughter slowed, replaced by a smile oozing menace,   
pointed at Ukyou-sama and Ranma. "Well, two can play at this game,   
can't they? Come here, Konatsu-chan..." and she waved at me. Dutifully,   
but with a queasy feeling in my stomach, I came forward. She put her   
arm around my waist; it didn't make me feel any more comfortable. Nor   
did her words: "I have a confession to make, too, Ranma. I slept with   
Konatsu last night."  
  
I turned and stared at her in shock. "Akane-san!" I tried to take a   
step away from her, to distance myself from her statement, but her arm   
clenched and held me fast. She wasn't about to let me go.  
  
Ranma's eyes popped. "What? How could you do that when you're getting   
married to me?"  
  
Ukyou-sama blinked, and peered at me. "Konatsu-chan? Did you and she   
really...?"  
  
Mr. Tendo's demon head flared up again. "KONATSUUU! HOW *DARE* YOU   
TAKE ADVANTAGE OF MY LITTLE GIRL!" He certainly was inclined to believe   
the worst at all times, wasn't he?  
  
I started to panic. "No-no-no! Nothing like that!" So this is how   
Ranma feels all the time, huh? Can't say I'd wanna trade places with   
him. "She fell asleep on my arm, and I couldn't move without disturbing   
her, so I stayed with her. And I feel asleep, too! That's ALL!"  
  
Akane, however, would have none of it. She wasn't paying any attention   
to her father whatsoever; her eyes were locked on Ranma even as she   
addressed me. "Oh, come off it, 'Natsu-sama. You were wonderful.   
In fact, I doubt Ranma could ever be as good as you..."  
  
That last name she addressed me by did not go unnoticed. "Konatsu-sama!   
Wahhh!" I rolled my eyes. Azusa. I heard Mikado's voice angrily   
trying to stifle her sobs and determine the cause of her outburst, but   
I could not make out the exact word. After all, my mind was focussed   
elsewhere: between Akane's outrageous claim (true as they were, if you   
took them literally) and Mr. Tendo's reaction to it, I was preoccupied   
elsewhere.  
  
At Akane's statement, Ranma turned bright crimson. "Says who? I can   
be as good as the next guy. Give me a chance, Akane..."  
  
Now it was Ukyou-sama's turn to smile. She could tell Akane was   
stretching the truth, even if no one else had thought to consider   
that yet. "I bet you are, Konatsu-chan. Akane's a lucky girl to   
have had you. I never really thought of it before, but you two make   
a very nice couple. If you're both happy together, I give you *my*   
blessing. Uh... good luck dealing with Mr. Tendo..."  
  
"Ukyou-sama...?" I looked at her smiling face, and time stood still.   
The horrible realization was dawning on me: all was lost. I had   
deceived myself all this time, thinking perhaps I could be the one   
to meet her needs once she finally gave up on Ranma. Maybe she would   
have been disappointed to see me consorting with Akane. But no.   
Mr. Tendo's demeon head was still hovering, still furious at me for   
what he thought I might have done with Akane. It was nothing compared   
to this rejection.  
  
I felt a tug on my waist, and a head on my shoulder. Akane.   
Ukyou-sama's words echoed in my head: "If you're both happy together..."   
I gazed at her face. She certainly seemed happy all of a sudden. Or   
maybe that was because of Ranma's agitation?  
  
It became clear to me what had to be done. I wriggled myself free of   
Akane's embrace. Waving my hands in the air, I hollered out "HOLD IT,   
EVERYONE!!"  
  
Much to my astonishment, everyone stopped talking: Ranma, Akane, Ukyou,   
the preist, the congregation. Even the demon head deflated, although   
Mr. Tendo still didn't look too happy about what was going on. I   
resolved not to let my astonishment show. "Okay, let's get everything   
sorted out here, alright? First off, Mr. Tendo, I was telling you the   
truth. Nothing untoward happened. If you choose to believe otherwise   
about your daughter's morals, that's your problem." That ought to put   
him in his place. Now to the main attraction.  
  
"Ukyou, you said that Ranma got you pregnant while he was in neko-ken   
mode, right?"  
  
She nodded. Her eyes were wide; I think she realized what I had just   
called her -- or rather, what I *hadn't* called her.  
  
"So, you managed to calm him that way, huh?" Another nod, and a nervous   
glance at Nabiki, who nodded with somewhat more confidence. "You know,   
Ukyou, you never told me you could do that. I thought only Akane could   
calm him down."  
  
Now she drew herself up, a little more confidently. "Anyone Ran-chan   
truly loves," and looking toward Akane, she winced slightly at having   
to admit this, "could manage that. He loves me; I'm his fiancee."   
Her voice increased in pitch and volume as she continued: "And I'm   
gonna be his wife!" The whole place erupted once again.  
  
Once again, I had to demand quiet.  
  
"Please, everybody! There's really only one way to prove it..." I   
turned away from the makeshift altar that had been set up in the dojo   
for the ceremony, and walked slowly over to where Shampoo was still   
pinned to the wall.  
  
Looking around, I spotted a fire bucket on a shelf. After momentarily   
wondering why that hadn't already fallen down and conked somebody with   
a Jusenkyo curse, I reached up and brought it down. "I'm sorry about   
this, Shampoo-san..."  
  
She knew what was coming, and was somewhat resigned to it. "Well, at   
least it get Shampoo free."  
  
I smiled sadly. "Mm-hm. Thank you. Are you ready, then?" After   
receiving a nod, I dumped the water over her head. Neko-Shampoo dropped   
out of her clothes, and leaped into my arms. I turned around, heading   
back for the altar... and Ranma.  
  
Ranma was backing up and waving his arms at me as I approached him,   
carrying neko-Shampoo and stroking her fur. "Hey... hey... Hey!   
Wha-wha-whaddya think yer doing? Are you nuts? Get away from me!   
Get that... that... *thing* away from me!!"  
  
"I'm sorry to do this to you, Ranma-san. Believe me, the prospect   
scares me more than it does you, I can assure you." By now, Ranma   
had backed himself into a corner, with nowhere else to go. Had he   
the presence of mind, he surely could have run from me -- it wasn't   
as if I was approaching him with any great speed. But his fear was   
already starting to take over his mind, and cloud his judgement. It   
wouldn't be too long before he wuld turn into a cat himself. And all   
hell would break loose.  
  
Akane was horrified. "What are you *thinking*, Konatsu? He'll tear   
you apart!"  
  
I turned to her with a mild shrug. "I know that, Akane. But it's the   
only way I can think of to back up Ukyou's claim. If he goes into   
neko-ken mode and Ukyou's telling the truth, she should be able to   
calm him much like you can. If not, well... I'm not going to be the   
only one with clawmarks." I turned to look at my former mistress.   
There was a look of concern etched on her face. Was she lying about   
her ability to calm Ranma? Nabiki was smiling, arms crossed in front   
of her.  
  
I took a deep breath, and steadied myself for the task at hand. "Hang   
on tight!" I whispered to neko-Shampoo as I placed her over his face.   
And hang on she did, digging in with her claws to make sure. I watched   
as Ranma's face went glassy with fear.  
  
I didn't want to stand here, holding Shampoo to his face. It was   
only a matter of time, after all, before he would be getting a form   
of revenge on me for what I was doing to him.  
  
"Mee-YOWRRR!" Oh, Kami-sama... here it comes... I could hear as the   
assembled crowd behind us stood up and stampeded for the dojo door.   
Somehow, I suspected they were only trying to get out of range: they   
would want to see if Ukyou indeed could calm Ranma-neko like Akane-chan   
could. Even the priest had made tracks. Only Akane and Ukyou stood   
their ground, transfixed as they watched Ranma become the cat he   
feared so.  
  
The transformation complete, Shampoo leapt from his face, and I backed   
up slowly, so as not to provoke him. Akane went to her knees, and began   
to beckon Ranma away from me. "Here, kitty, kitty... c'mere, Ranma..."  
  
Ukyou quickly followed suit. "C'mon, Ran-chan... come to Ucchan..."   
There was a quaver in her voice; something told me that she wasn't sure   
she could do this, but that she knew there was no backing down now.  
  
Her more sudden movements drew Ranma-neko's attention, and he turned   
toward her. She flinched as he padded toward her on all fours, teeth   
bared and growling. All at once, he stopped and sniffed the air for   
a moment. Then with one great bound, he leapt toward Ukyou. She   
screamed all he arced toward her. Such crowd as was peeking through   
the doors of the dojo gasped...  
  
...as Ranma landed, purring contentedly, in Ukyou's lap.   
  
Ukyou's face flashed from fear, to surprise, to thinly disguised glee.   
In contrast, Akane's face fell in shock. I stepped over to comfort   
her, and she sobbed into my kimono. "This can't be happening! He...   
he really did... with her... "  
  
"No, Akane. It can't be possible. It couldn't be that easy. He tore   
her up the last time."  
  
Akane was unsuccessfully fighting back more tears. "But it still means   
he loves her, too!"  
  
There wasn't a thing I could say. I had almost hoped I could have   
paid back Ukyou for her deception -- and I was still convinced it   
was a deception -- by siccing Ranma-neko on her. Instead, I had   
effectively proven all, or at least most of her claims. And much   
as I had always wanted Ukyou-sama to be happy -- despite the fact   
that it meant I would end up giving her up to Ranma -- now I was   
far too concerned with Akane's loss to rejoice in Ukyou's gain.   
But all the comfort I could give Akane was to hold her as she wept.  
  
Upon realizing the coast was clear as far as Ranma was concerned,   
Mr. Tendo stormed back in, followed by most of the rest of the wedding   
guests. "What is the meaning of this?"  
  
Ranma-neko hissed at Mr. Tendo's outburst, and he backed off a step or   
two. Ukyou patted her feline fiance and looked up at Mr. Tendo. "He   
knows his fiancee, sir." I held Akane's head to my chest so that she   
would be spared the sight of Ukyou's triumphant smile.  
  
Mr. Tendo was having none of it. "Ridiculous," he snorted. "Ranma   
does indeed know his fiancee in cat-form, and that fiancee is Akane!   
Akane and Ranma are getting married today, regardless of anything you   
have to say."  
  
Ukyou set Ranma-neko down at her feet with a questioning "Mrowr?"   
and stood to face Mr. Tendo. She began to untie that obi around her   
wedding kimono.  
  
"All right... so nothing I can say will change your mind. How about   
if I show you something? If I show you what Ran-chan has done to me?"   
The sash fell to the floor and she opened her kimono from the waist up.   
Another collective gasp went up as all could see the slight but obvious   
protrusion of her belly. Even Mr. Tendo was astonished at the sight.   
"Now, do you believe me?"  
  
There was a cry of "Hotcha!" from the back of the room, and before   
anyone could react, Happosai had made his moves on Ukyou's exposed   
breasts. Now it was my turn to respond. I grabbed the old man by   
the collar, and by pulling on him and pushing on Ukyou, I wrested   
him free. I held him aloft in my left hand, as I realized my right   
hand was tracing along a seam. I turned to the assembly.  
  
"Uh... does anyone want to take care of this little nuisance for us?"   
A handful of female students, as well as Miss Hinako, stepped forward   
and took him off my hands. They headed out to the courtyard, where   
shortly thereafter were heard sounds of unimaginable violence.   
Meanwhile, my right hand continued to rest on the seam.   
  
I could sense Ukyou's aura starting to warm up. I knew that, as a   
male, I was overstepping my bounds by running my hands along Ukyou's   
stomach. Wasn't that why I'd just gotten rid of Happosai? But I   
also knew that I'd solved the mystery. I removed my hand, and looked   
my former mistress in the eye.  
  
"Ukyou... this is not like you. Lies do not wear well on you."  
  
The aura vanished instantly, and she began to fidget nervously.   
"Lies...? Konatsu-chan... have I ever lied to you?"  
  
I looked at her sadly. "Ukyou... you and Nabiki are lying to all of us.   
I *know* you want Ranma to be yours. I *know* you deserve happiness.   
But the longer this charade continues, the less deserving you become.   
It's time to end this once and for all." And I reached for the seam   
just below her breasts and pulled at the latex that padded her belly.  
  
Sheaves of catnip fell to the ground. Ranma-neko bounded around   
happily, while everyone stepped back to give him a wide berth.   
Akane stood up and strode over to Ukyou.  
  
"So... *that's* how you did it, huh? How *dare* you try to steal   
Ranma from me like that!" She turned to Nabiki. Another tear had   
escaped her eye as she approached her sister. "Why, Nabiki? Why   
did you try to do this to me?"  
  
Nabiki grasped her head in pain; whether it was from guilt or Ukyou's   
own pain as her plan crumbled, I couldn't have said at the time.   
Akane quickened her pace: whether she had been betrayed by her or not,   
Nabiki was still her sister, and it was still her duty to help her.   
She crouched over her sister, who was doubled up in apparent agony.   
"Nabiki... what's wrong?"  
  
A glint appeared in Nabiki's eye. She stood up and placed something   
into her sister's mouth. "This." It was a piece of okonomi-yaki!   
"Got this from the Ucchan yesterday; it packs a punch, sis."  
  
She nodded to Ukyou, and my former mistress stepped over to Mr. Tendo.   
She pulled several okonomi-yaki from the pouch on her chest and popped   
a piece into his mouth. "If nothing I *say* will convince you sir,   
perhaps you will at least understand how I feel *this* way." She   
leaned over to Ranma-neko, and offered him a bite as well.   
  
Neko-Ranma sniffed the okonomi-yaki, and gleefully chomped away at it.   
Then, his enthusiastic munching began to slow, and the glassy look began   
to fade from his eyes. Actually, it seemed more as if it started to   
melt, and it ran down his cheeks in torrents. He looked up at Ukyou,   
and his eyes were clear and moist.  
  
"Ucchan..."  
  
She smiled back at him, cupping his face into her hands. "Ran-chan..."  
  
"No!" Mr. Tendo turned out to be stronger than I had imagined.   
Despite the bite of okonomi-yaki he had been given, he hadn't turned   
into a total emotional wreck. Yet. "Ranma and... A-a-Akane are   
*snif* getting married... a-a-and that's... FINAL! WAAAH!" The last   
word took what appeared to be superhuman effort to get out before the   
wave of anguish hit him and he collapsed to the floor, in ruins.  
  
I had rushed over to Akane when Nabiki fed her her piece. Now she was   
once again sobbing in my arms, as Nabiki proceeded to feed the rest of   
the assembled guests. I could only watch her, helpless, as the room   
filled with Ukyou's pain. I didn't see how Mr. Tendo would be able to   
back up his statement at this point...  
  
*****  
*****  
  
And I'm gonna draw the curtain of charity around this chaotic scene...  
  
As always, comments and criticism are implored. Please send all mail   
to me at ukyoukwnji@aol.com. And please, no flames about how I've   
turned myself into a villain; it really wasn't my idea, and I don't   
like it myself, but it works. At any rate, the spotlight will be off   
of me in the Epilogue.  
  
Until then, I remain yours...  
  
Itsu mo,  
Ucchan ^_^  
  
  
http://members.aol.com/ukyoukwnji/index.htm  



	4. (4) Conclusion

ONION TEARS  
Part IV. Conclusion  
  
  
To a normal observer, the dojo might have seemed empty; aside from   
myself standing in the middle of the room and the calligraphy hanging   
on the back wall, the place looked devoid of life. But that was the   
idea, and I knew better: this was my class I was teaching. It was a   
game of hide-and-seek, in plain sight, one of the most basic of the   
ninja techniques, and yet one of the most difficult to master. Still,   
this was my advanced class, and they were doing well... except for a   
slight rustling noise in the corner.  
  
I walked over to the corner and stomped my foot. There was a yelp of   
pain, and a young boy stood up, grasping his hand.  
  
"Hey, wha'dja do that for, anyway?"  
  
I gave him a mildly reproving glower. "Because I *could*, Kyouma.   
I could actually find you, and that is a fatal mistake for a ninja;   
you know that. Now, I didn't mean to hurt you so much (why don't you   
head to the living room and ask Auntie Akane to bandage that up for   
you), and I apologize. But do try to remember that invisibility means   
you need to be inaudible, too." I let my expression soften, and I got   
down on one knee to face him directly. "Kyouma, you're an excellent   
student. You're picking up techniques even your father never learned   
to master, and with the same speed that he had. You're one of the   
youngest to ever reach this level of expertise in the ninja arts.   
And I've got the advantage of experience -- it takes a ninja to catch   
a ninja, more or less. An ordinary person would never have seen you   
there. But you've still got to be careful. When you're in ninja   
mode, assume there's always a fellow ninja out there that might be   
able to detect it. If you can hear yourself moving, so can he."   
I smiled warmly. "Anyway, you go get that hand looked at, okay?"  
  
He returned my smile. It didn't take much to cheer Kyouma up; at any   
rate, he was as impervious to pain as his father was. He ran out   
the dojo door, nearly tripping over one of his fellow students as he   
left. I smiled at the student Kyouma tripped over. "You can get up   
now, Hideo. If Kyouma missed you, it's definately a sign you're doing   
well." I looked around the room, and clapped my hands together. "In   
fact, everybody get up. That's good work, all of you. But let that   
be lesson to each of you. Always assume there's another ninja out   
there, and you have to fool *him*." I received an audible glare from   
a pair of kunoichis in my class, and corrected myself quickly. "Or   
*her*. Yes... sorry about that.  
  
"Dismissed, everyone." and in a flash, the room was indeed empty,   
save for myself. There were two hours to kill before Akane's own   
martial arts class was to begin arriving; I decided to check up on   
her and Kyouma in the meanwhile.  
  
***  
  
Soun Tendo had been as good as his word that fateful day. Akane and   
Ranma did indeed get married, as he insisted upon.  
  
Just not to each other.  
  
What with everyone suddenly coming to an epiphany about Ukyou's   
feelings toward Ranma, and the pain of her impending loss, the   
assembly rose up en masse to favor Ukyou's rights to Ranma. No one   
could have argued, even before the onions took effect, that she didn't   
have a legitimate claim to his affections, right down to the fact that   
a dowry actually had changed hands -- something that Akane couldn't   
claim yet.  
  
Once they had worked their magic, though, no one was about to take   
Akane's side on the matter at all. Except me.  
  
"Please, people! Listen to me! Now you know the pain of loss that   
Ukyou... sama... has been going through all this time..." It was the   
last time I would ever refer to her like that; even then, it had   
already become difficult to squeeze out the "-sama" designation.   
"...but don't you understand? This is what Akane will endure once   
you give Ranma over to Ukyou! Forever!"  
  
A hand rested lightly on my shoulder. Akane.  
  
My heart broke inside of me as I saw her tears. They were for Ukyou   
as much as anyone's, since she had tasted the tainted okonomi-yaki.   
But I knew they were also for herself.  
  
"They're not listening, Konatsu... it's over. Thank you for trying,   
but I'm afraid Ranma is going to be hers."  
  
"I'm sorry Akane... I did everything I could."  
  
"I know... but there's one more thing you could do..."  
  
***  
  
Some Western comedian once made a joke about weddings: something   
about how the bride is the unique central character of the ceremony.   
The groom and the rest of the guys, on the other hand, are pretty   
much interchangable: they even dress the same. So while the groom is   
asked, "Do you take so-and-so to be your bride?" the bride is merely   
asked, "Do you take this man?" It could be the groom, it could be the   
best man...  
  
...Or it could be somebody else entirely. Like me.  
  
***  
  
"Akane Tendo, do you take this... man?" Akane nodded, as if to   
confirm the preist's questioning tone. Well, I could understand.   
As far a dress sense was concerned, I did look more like a bride than   
a groom, "...to be your wedded husband?"  
  
I could only stare at her. Did she realize what she was about to do?  
  
"I do." ...Akane!  
  
***  
  
Even with the three of us there, the dojo had never been emptier than   
this before.   
  
When the wedding guests had departed from the scene of the ceremony,   
Kasumi and I had carried a profusely weeping Mr. Tendo to his room.   
I returned to the dojo find Nabiki, standing at the entrance, gazing   
out into space, and Akane, on her knees, by the makeshift altar.  
  
I stared at Nabiki first, trying to read her; a difficult task under   
the best of circumstances, now nearly impossible. The best guess as   
to her emotional state I could muster was... confusion. I doubted   
whether even *she* knew how she felt. I waved a hand before her   
glassy-eyed face. "Nabiki?"  
  
She turned to me, slowly. "Isn't the pain supposed to go away?"  
  
I could only shrug. "Maybe it's just being replaced."  
  
"Replaced?" Her mask turned quizzical. It was at that moment that   
Akane took a deep, choking breath in between quiet sobs. The look of   
horrified realization grew on Nabiki's face -- the same look that   
developed when she first partook of the fateful onion. "Oh my gosh...   
Akane!"  
  
She rushed to her sister's side, agonized. "Akane... I'm so sorry...   
I had no idea what I was doing... I... I..." Her voice trailed off as   
Akane looked up at her.   
  
A bluish glow began to form around the younger girl, and the tears   
evaporated on her face as she answered. "Get. Away. From. Me."   
Nabiki sat there on her knees, eye to eye with her sister. She was   
almost too stunned to move. Akane's voice rose in fury. "NOW!"  
  
Nabiki got up and scurried out of the dojo. Akane stood and watched   
her sister as she ran out of the Tendo compound entirely. Kami alone   
knew where she was headed.  
  
Now Akane turned her aura on me. "You, too."  
  
I stood my ground. "I can't do that, Akane."  
  
"I said GO!"  
  
Several years ago, that would have been more than enough to send me   
scurrying off in the same manner Nabiki had left. After my father   
died, my stepmother and her two daughters beat me into total   
submission. Whatever they said, went. Immediately. No matter   
how distasteful, dirty or dangerous. The woman who rescued me   
from that false family, however, taught me to think for myself,   
and that orders were not always to be obeyed without question,   
and sometimes defiance was better for all concerned. At this   
moment, she was never more right.  
  
And yet... I was about to put that knowledge to its best use to   
benefit her own victim.  
  
"And I said... NO!" I strode over to Akane and put my hands firmly   
on her shoulders. She struggled to escape my grasp, but I held onto   
her tightly. "Akane, I'm not going anywhere. You're hurt... you need   
someone to be with you right now...  
  
"Like it or not, I'm going to be that someone for you now. You asked   
me to be, remember...? Come on... let's get you to your room. It's   
been a long, hard day for all of us; you need your rest." I took her   
hand to lead her out of the dojo.  
  
She yanked her hand away and dropped back to her knees. "I'm not   
going anywhere. Leave me alone."  
  
I knelt down beside her. "Fine," I said quietly. "Then I'll stay here,   
too."  
  
A silent eon passed between us in that empty room. I watched as the   
light flowing into the dojo from outdoors began to redden, then   
disappear. As darkness began its final descent, Akane collapsed   
into my lap, weeping afresh. I gathered her up in my arms, and began   
to carry her to her room.  
  
***  
  
I sat by her bedside as she cried herself to sleep, seemingly unaware   
of my presence. It occurred to me that my former mistress must have   
had no idea how much Akane really cared for Ranma. Certainly, if I   
had a yen for every time Akane called him 'baka,' I'm sure I would be   
wealthier than Nabiki. I imagine that Uky... my mistress sort of   
assumed that since neither of them liked each other very much, and   
since it was evident that Ranma liked *her* (at the very least, as a   
friend), all would be better served by she and Ranma getting together   
rather than him and Akane.  
  
Trouble is, sometimes just because one doesn't like another person   
doesn't mean they can't love each other. And Akane had just lost her   
dearest love, a man whom she just so happened not to like very much.  
  
The human mind has a nearly limitless capacity for self-deception.   
I guess to a certain extent, it's what keeps us sane in the direst   
situations, allowing us to cling to hope even against all odds. It   
was that self-deception, after all, that kept... my former mistress...   
going in the days leading up to the wedding: somehow he'd come to his   
senses and realize that she was truly the one for her. She had   
blinded herself to Akane's love for her Ran-chan.  
  
Akane, on the other hand, must never have even considered the   
possibility of any of Ranma's fiancees disrupting the wedding;   
well, maybe she had, but I could probably state without fear of   
contradiction that any of them could ever succeed in carrying him   
off. Of course, neither had Ranma...  
  
But now... now that the truth had reared its awful head over her,   
Akane was in a fragile state. I'd seen it happen before...  
  
I wondered if she regretted her own action...  
  
A gentle snort shook me from my contemplations. Akane had rolled   
slightly in her sleep, and was now snoring quietly. I decided to   
slip out and get someone's permission to move in... I doubted I'd   
be welcome at the Ucchan anymore.  
  
***  
  
Kasumi met me at the foot of the stairs. Her eyes were ringed with   
concern. "How is she, Konatsu?"  
  
I shrugged. "I don't know, Kasumi-san, but I think someone's going   
to have to keep an eye on her for a while. This has been a terrible   
shock she's undergone today, and I imagine that the next few days   
and weeks are going to be very hard on her."  
  
Kasumi smiled. "Well, from the looks of things, she may well be in   
good hands. It's good to know she has a husband who's really   
concerned about her welfare..."  
  
I must have had a puzzled look on my face, because she almost broke   
out laughing at me. "Konatsu-kun... you don't remember? I'm talking   
about you..."  
  
Then her look turned serious. "Maybe you'd better go to the Ucchan   
and collect your things, Konatsu-kun. You're living here, now, you   
know... and somehow, I think Ukyou will want you out of there at   
any rate."  
  
"Uh... all right. Thank you, Kasumi-san."  
  
***  
  
The walk to and from the restaurant was as long as trek as ever I   
had taken. It wasn't that I was worried about what would become of   
me. Despite having to leave Ukyou's service so abruptly, I had found   
myself a new home within the Tendo household. No longer would I be   
a servant; I was family now.  
  
I would have been more worried about how Akane felt about this had   
it not been at her insistance. And I guess, given the circumstances,   
it was all she could do; if not Ranma, then she would accept the   
adequate(?) substitute that I provided. If it truly was her will,   
who was I to refuse her?  
  
But was it truly her will...?  
  
***  
  
I could normally find my way to the Ucchan blindfolded, but tonight,   
I was having difficulty. Not because I didn't know where it was,   
or perhaps I should saywhere it was supposed to be. Even in the dark,   
I knew my way flawlessly. But once I stood before the storefront   
that used to be the Ucchan, I had a difficult time recognizing it.   
The signs were gone, the windows were barren; could she have   
dismantled the place so fast?  
  
I placed my hand on the entrance, and the door practically fell open.   
The place had been almost completely dismantled, and in a hurry, too.   
The grill that served as a countertop was gone, and all the cabinet   
doors hung open, showing to all the world that they were completely   
empty.  
  
In the kitchen, again the scene was one of desolation. Everything   
that could have been picked up and taken was gone. I found my few   
worldly possessions untouched in a rear corner, and I gently placed   
them onto my futon, rolled it up, strapped it to my back, and prepared   
to return to the dojo.  
  
Then, I saw it. Lying in the floor a few paces from the walk-in   
cooler, was an onion. A Bayakala Onion. I picked it up, and looked   
at it as intently as I dared. Again, the juices began to sting my   
eyes.  
  
To think, this harmless-looking vegetable had caused so much trouble.   
I left via the back entrance, and found myself facing the trash, still   
lined up in preparation for Monday's pickup. I weighed the onion in   
my hand, and threw it as hard as I could against the fence upon which   
the garbage leaned. The onion hit the fence and shattered with a   
satisfying SMACK.  
  
***  
  
When I arrived at the dojo, there was a faint glow from the living room   
to greet me. I crossed over to discover its source -- in any case, it   
was on my way to the guest room, from which Genma Saotome had so recently  
been cast out.  
  
The glow turned out to be the television set, showing some late-night   
soap opera. Akane was sitting in front of it, eyes glazed.  
  
I walked over to her. "Akane-san... shouldn't you be in bed? I thought   
you were sleeping."  
  
"I was, Konatsu-kun..." The first words came out sleepily enough, but   
they began spilling out in a torrent so fast that Akane's lips could   
barely keep up, "but I had this terrible nightmare. I dreamed that   
Ukyou had broken up the wedding, and had convinced everyone that she   
deserved Ranma more than I did, and they got married instead, and I was   
left with... with..." And now the words began to catch in her throat,   
as she realized what time it was, and who she was talking to, and that...  
"...It wasn't a dream, was it, Konatsu-kun?"  
  
I knelt down in front of her. "I'm afraid not, Akane-san. It looks like   
my mistress won him. It wasn't fair, and it wasn't right, but what's   
done is done. I'll be here for you, if you need me; somehow, I'm pretty   
sure you will. But you'll get through this... I swear it. At any rate,   
you need to get your sleep. You've got to pull yourself together, and   
that means getting your life back to normal as quickly as possible, okay?"  
  
She nodded, and stood up. A faint smile crossed her lips. "That's a   
girl. Get some rest; I'll see you in the morning..."  
  
"Where are you going with your things, Konatsu-kun...?"  
  
I gave my... bride? a puzzled look. "I'm putting them in the guest   
room, Akane-san."  
  
Her smile was brave and sad. "Konatsu-kun... you're no guest. You're   
my husband now. Take those things into my room, why don't you?" My   
heart ached for her.  
  
***  
  
I did as she asked me to; I went to her room and unrolled my futon at   
the foot of her bed. And I slept there, at her feet, for the next   
year and a half. By day, we operated the dojo together -- I taught   
classes on the ninja arts, and she instructed students in the more   
conventional arts such as kenpo and karate.  
  
The days and weeks wore on, and while it was not always easy to   
encourage Akane to eat and exercise, I did what I could to help   
keep her strength up and her mind off the past events. I started   
to accompany her to school, and found myself sitting in the seat   
that Ranma had vacated. Occasionally, I would glance at Akane, to   
check her mood. More often than not, I found that she had been   
looking at me already; but when I turned to check on her, she would   
look away absently... quickly, but not quickly enough.  
  
***  
  
In the meantime, Kasumi had gotten married to Dr. Tofu -- which came   
as a surprise to no one, except for the fact that the good doctor   
finally screwed up the courage to ask for her -- and Nabiki had gone   
off to Tohai University with a full scholarship; although thankfully,   
she still came by occasionally to review the dojo's books. She never   
charged for her services, either; I believe it might have been as much   
a matter of penance as filial piety. In either case, I was quite   
grateful for her assistance.  
  
Not much was ever said about our sleeping arrangements -- Akane   
really never said anything about it, and I wasn't about to press   
her about her feelings toward it. I did know I wasn't her first   
choice for a husband. In fact, I knew there were at least two or   
three others besides Ranma who I think would have been preferable   
to me. And so, I vowed I would never touch her -- I wanted to   
give her an out, if she so chose.  
  
***  
  
There was one night, several months later, when her little pet P-chan   
came back to her after a long absence. I was lying on my futon in the   
dark, staring at the ceiling, when I heard a squeak and a thump. Not   
long afterward, there was a tapping on my shoulder. I rolled onto my   
side and stared into a pair of large white eyes that were asking "What   
the hell are *you* doing here?"  
  
I decided it would be easier to answer a human than a pig. I carefully   
picked him up, and carried him to the bathroom.  
  
Through the steam, Ryoga's expression was glum. "I heard about you and   
Akane. And about Ranma and Ukyou."  
  
"I'm sorry, Ryoga. I did what I could to break it up. And I know you   
cared about Akane..."  
  
"Do you know HOW MUCH I cared for her?!" Ryoga's temper flared and he   
bared his fangs at me.  
  
I looked around frantically for something to deaden the sound.   
Finding nothing, I waved my hands at him to keep it down. "Look,   
Ryoga... she asked me. I'm sure she would have asked you if you'd   
been there... maybe she still will."  
  
"She married YOU, you little freak of nature! It's too late for me!"  
  
"Shh! No, it isn't! We can still get an annullment, if she wants you."  
  
All the anger drained from him in an instant. "A-a-an... annullment?"  
  
I nodded. "Well, yeah. I've never touched her."  
  
"You're kidding! It's been nearly a year! I was sure that... you and   
Akane... must have..." He was turning bright red and fidgeting.  
  
I shook my head. "I couldn't do that to her. I don't know if she   
ever really wanted me."  
  
"You just said she asked you to be her husband..."  
  
"Yeah, well... I don't really know if she meant it, really... I just   
happened to be the one guy there on her side..."  
  
Ryoga looked at me. Stared, actually. For a long time. The darkness   
begin to lift from his eyes, but the cloudiness remained; a sadness   
I could not quite understand. Then he stood up. "I think I'd better   
get my clothes."  
  
"Let me take care of it. She's got a spare dresser you can put them   
into."  
  
"No, Konatsu... I've got to go. If I had been in your shoes, I would   
not have had your honor, your willpower. I would have taken her that   
first night, had I the strength. I would have known I wasn't her   
first choice, but I wouldn't have cared. That is not the sort of   
conduct worthy of her. You've earned the right to her, Konatsu.   
You belong in the spot I've been occupying these past few years.   
I suggest you take it; I shall vacate it for its rightful owner."  
  
"But Ryoga... what about P-chan? She loves that little piggy of hers.   
How could I take your place?"  
  
Ryoga shrugged. "What *about* P-chan? Akari loves him, too." Oh,   
yeah... I'd forgotten about her. "And if that's the only way Akane   
can have me... it's no good, anyway."  
  
"Well, why don't you stay the night, in any case? I can call the   
Unryuu farm in the morning, and have her come and pick you up. That   
way, you won't get lost."  
  
"I'd appreciate that, Konatsu."  
  
***  
  
There came a day when, after I had finished with my classes, she met   
me in the living room. She wasn't nearly ready for her class; instead   
of her traditional gi, she was dressed in a simple yukata. It was not   
typical for her, and I knew something was up.  
  
I didn't have to wait long to find out what it was.  
  
"Konatsu... I want to have a baby."  
  
"Uh... a baby?"  
  
"Uh-huh. Don't you remember? We're supposed to be creating an heir   
to the Anything-Goes school of martial arts."  
  
"I... uh..." I wasn't prepared to deal with this. I was more than   
ready and willing to *raise* a child with her; but... "How do you   
propose to go about accomplishing this?  
  
Her smile quirked its way up one side of her face. "How do *you*   
think, Konatsu?"  
  
I don't believe I'd ever completely facefaulted before. But now, my   
whole *body* faulted, and the next thing I knew, I was picking myself   
up off the floor.  
  
"Konatsu...?" The smile was gone, and a worried expression had taken   
over. She was worried... about me!  
  
I hauled myself up to a sitting position. "Akane-san... do you realize   
what you're saying?"  
  
"More than you know, Konatsu..." She undid her yukata, and let it fall   
to the floor... she was wearing nothing underneath. I had never seen   
her like this before. Oh, I had had the opportunity, I'm sure -- but   
I never allowed myself to look before. It had all been part and parcel   
of my vow that I not take advantage of her.  
  
And here she was... standing before me like this... asking me to...  
  
I'm sure there were tears running down my face. "Akane-san... b-b-but   
this means that..."  
  
"...that you and I really will be husband and wife in more than name.   
I know." She knelt in front of me. "Konatsu... please. You've never   
even touched me like this..." and she took my hand and placed it on her   
breast, "since we were married. Don't you find me attractive?"  
  
I pulled my hand away as if I had touched a hot poker. But my hand   
wouldn't let me pull away entirely... *Akane* was afraid *I* didn't   
like *her*? "I... I -- yes! I do! But... what about the others?"  
  
"Others? What others?" She looked genuinely confused. I had never   
told her of my vow.  
  
As I did, she began to undo the knots in my obi. "Konatsu... now I   
understand why you've been keeping such distance. But you don't need   
to do that anymore. Ryoga, Shinnosuke, Ki-rin... none of them were   
there when I needed them. You were. And you have been ever since.   
Isn't that enough?  
  
"So now, I need one more thing from you... that is, if you're willing   
to give it to me..."  
  
I was.  
  
And I did.  
  
***  
  
The first few times were tentative; neither of us really understood   
what we were doing. And to add to that, I was still a bit nervous   
about turning myself into a lesbian for real. Somehow, I knew I   
wasn't ready for this part of marriage. Not as a man, anyway.  
  
But we continued our efforts, and it wasn't long before it ceased to   
be a duty we did for the sake of the dojo; rather, it was a joy we   
looked forward to whenever we could. When I was inside of her, I   
knew that this was what it really felt like to be a man, and decided   
to renounce my girlish ways for good. I also came to the conclusion   
that Ranma had no clue what he had lost out on...  
  
I didn't know what had possessed her to ask that we begin relating to   
each other fully as husband and wife, but whatever it was, I was   
grateful for it.  
  
***  
  
Nearly fifteen years passed before I discovered the source of   
Akane's sudden outpouring of passion. During that time, we had   
succeeded in producing an heir, a beautiful little girl we named   
Junko. She grew up to be a very pretty child, and quite popular   
in the midst of a great boomlet of children; many friends who had   
been at that fateful wedding had decided, independantly and   
simultaneously, to have children, too. So Junko had plenty of   
friends her age, and shone out amongst them like a little human   
star... or am I sounding like a doting parent?  
  
It was a Sunday, a cold, rainy day even for Nerima, when a vaguely   
familiar-looking boy, a little older than Junko, came pounding on   
the door of the dojo. I let him in, and called for Junko to come   
downstairs; I assumed it was one of her numerous suitors intending   
to take her on a date.  
  
When she came into the living room, she had a puzzled look on her   
face. "What is it, Father?"  
  
This, in turn, puzzled me. I turned to the boy, who was as perplexed   
as I was. "Didn't you come here to see Junko?"  
  
He gestured at her. "Junko? Is that her name?" Now I was *really*   
confused. I turned to my daughter, who waved her hands frantically in   
front of her, and mouthing 'I've never seen him before in my life!'   
The boy resumed speaking, and my attention returned to him.  
  
"Naw, I wasn't lookin' for her. I was lookin' for the Tendo dojo."  
  
I nodded. "Well, you've come to the right place. Have you come to   
train?"  
  
"Dunno. It's just that my old man useta always talk about how great   
things were around here, and I guess I figgered that I could do worse   
than come here, now that I'm on my own."  
  
'My old man...' The turn of phrase sounded familiar... "On your own,   
did you say?"  
  
"Yeah, I've ditched 'em. Pop's always talkin' about turning me into a   
'man among men,' and Mom's always threatening to bring *his* mother   
over if he tries. So I saved 'em the trouble and headed out."  
  
The pieces were starting to fall into place. "You wouldn't be..."  
  
He extended a hand, nonchalantly. "Name's Kyouma Saotome." -- it was   
limp and clammy; of course, that could be just from all that time in   
the cold rain. I bowed to him, and he dropped his hand and followed   
suit rather hurriedly. "Sorry 'bout this..."  
  
I straightened up. "...You're Ranma's boy?"  
  
He looked up. "You knew my Pop?" Then he blinked and muttered half   
to himself. "Well, duh. Of *course* you would. He lived here for   
what? Three, four years?"  
  
I smiled. "Something like that. You're welcome to stay here, if you  
so choose."  
  
***  
  
Several years went by, and I was amazed at how quickly Kyouma picked   
up on the ninja arts. He did have an advantage to my other students,   
of course, in that he was around the dojo 24 hours a day, watching   
me and Akane...  
  
...and Junko. Over time, the two of them took quite well to each other,   
and I got some satisfaction out of the thought that perhaps the vows   
that Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome had once made of uniting the families   
to run this dojo might actually come true... a generation later than   
originally intended.  
  
Pity Mr. Tendo couldn't understand...  
  
***  
  
I brought a bowl of miso soup into his room. "Here you are, Father.   
Please drink this... you need to keep up your strength."  
  
Mr. Tendo would join us for dinner, of course, but in the meantime,   
we needed to ply him with salt and liquid; he had never ceased crying   
since that day.  
  
He took the soup from me with a grateful smile. "You're so good to   
your old father, Kasumi." Unfortunately, the emotional drain the   
onions had caused was beginning to take its toll on him. Dr. Tofu   
could not recommend anything else for us save to keep him comfortable   
and as happy as he could be under the circumstances, and to make sure   
he did not lose too much salt or water.  
  
He drained the soup at a single draught. I smiled. In some ways, it   
was good that he thought I was Kasumi; in his former mental state, he   
would never have eaten anything that Akane had prepared. Of course,   
one's skills can improve vastly over the course of a decade of practice,  
but his memory of her reputation had prevented him from eating much of   
her cooking for a long time. It was only as his memory began to erode   
with the emotional drain that he began to consume her cooking with an   
enthusiasm once reserved for Kasumi's meals. Of course, if he thought   
it was Kasumi who was bringing it to him...  
  
"As always, magnificent, my dear. You do your dear mother proud."   
Through his tears, he was capable of a broad smile, but it only would   
last for a moment; the memory of his dear wife was enough to send his   
emotions into yet another tailspin, and his crying resumed in full   
force.  
  
"Thank you, Father." I took the empty bowl from him, and bowed deeply   
as I backed out of the room.  
  
***  
  
Once Akane had finished patching up Kyouma's hand, he and Junko headed   
out to the shooping plaza to hang out with the rest of their friends.   
We watched the two of them depart, holding each other's hand; my eyes   
were fixed on Kyouma. "Do you ever have any regrets, Akane-san? That   
could've been your son, you know."  
  
"I don't think so. Back then, I may have figured I was settling for   
some kind of second-best when I asked you to take Ranma's place. But   
I'm starting to believe I got better than I ever deserved." I blushed,   
but she continued. "No, it's true. You listen to me, you put up with   
my tirades, you offer a shoulder to cry on when I need one... you   
*know* I'd never be so lucky with that 'baka'." She smiled as she   
recalled the 'pet' name she had for him. I smirked within myself --   
another yen! -- but I wasn't quite convinced she wasn't still carrying   
a torch for him. Still, who was I to complain, when she lavished me   
with so much praise?  
  
"Well, what about that promise between your father and his? An heir   
to the dojo and all that?"  
  
"What of it? The dojo's in good hands, and so is Dad. Besides, I   
think Kyouma's got a thing for our Junko. We may be a generation   
behind, but there's always a possibility..." she smiled.  
  
"Yeah, but I won't go making any stupid promises like that."  
  
"Amen."  
  
"Anyway, you know that my class starts in an hour and a half..."  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"...and since, Kyouma and Junko have headed off to the plaza, I   
thought maybe we could..." Her voice trailed off.  
  
My turn to smile. "I like the sound of that."  
  
She headed for the stairs. "Come on up in about ten minutes, okay?"  
She had a spring in her step that made her still seem like she was   
only twenty. And still as beautiful, too...  
  
***  
  
Upstairs, Akane was waiting in the bedroom. I stood outside, a sentry   
guarding this harem of one. Her voice floated out to me: "Are you   
ready, 'Natsu-chan?"  
  
I loosened my obi, and walked in. I knelt down by the bed, where she   
reclined, naked as the day she was born. She was a marvellous sight...  
Ranma hardly knows what he's missing. I prostrated my face and arms   
onto the bed before this magnificent sight, before the woman who   
really and truly loved and wanted me. "I am ready to please you,   
my mistress Akane-sama."  
  
She sat up abruptly and lifted my face from the mattress. There was a   
bit of a pout on her face. "Oh, please, Konatsu-chan. Knock off the   
'mistress' bit, will you?" Then she noticed the grin on my face. "Hm.   
Well, if you insist, mabye sometime I'll wear some leather or whatever.  
But for now..." and she shifted herself over to the wall a bit, and   
patted the portion of mattress she had just vacated, "just get up here,   
will you?"  
  
I could not wipe the smile off my face. "Your wish is my command, my   
dear." I kissed her as I climbed onto the bed next to her.  
  
*****  
*****  
  
Author's notes...  
  
Wow. That's it. Finally. This story has taken me places I never   
expected it to go, but it's been a most interesting ride...  
  
I want to dedicate this story to 'Rei-sama', my very own real-life   
Konatsu; Akane's sentiments are essentially mine. Once I left college   
without a serious significant other, I assumed I was going to spend   
the rest of my life alone (kinda sounds like the 'real' Ukyou, ne?).   
After some thought, I decided that of all the friends I ever had, if   
I were required to choose one to spend the rest of my life with, it   
would be Rei-sama. And I sent a letter to that effect, assuming all   
the while that it would scare Rei completely away. But much to my   
astonishment and delight, my sentiments were returned to me, and we   
were married shortly thereafter (I say shortly ^_^;; I had to wait   
for two years until Rei got out of college), and we've been together   
for nearly six years and counting...  
  
I got far better than I expected or deserved. And for those of you who   
wonder about 'Natsu-chan's erm, leanings, let me say this: you strip us   
down to the bare essentials, and 'Natsu-chan's as much a man as I am a   
woman. What more could I ask for?  
  
My blessings go with you all. Until next time, I remain yours.  
  
Itsu mo,  
Ucchan ^_^  
  
  
http://members.aol.com/ukyoukwnji/index.htm  



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